The Fruit of His Labor

Cry, Baby, Cry

2010-10-05T10:13:00.000-07:00

The past few months have been rough for me in my dealings with our son. His mood can change drastically at any moment, it seems, from fun and laughing to a complete meltdown in a matter of seconds. Some of the triggers seem to stem from him not getting his way, or not getting what he is asking for or wants. The results of these meltdowns or tantrums often come in the way of throwing things, tossing his food on the floor and/or pinching and hitting us. No matter how much we explain to him that his behavior is not acceptable, or how much we try to teach him how to act properly, we have not yet been able to get through to him.

Because of his actions my mood also changes with his. While I can't get enough of him when he's being sweet and playful, I can suddenly sour as soon as his meltdown or bad behavior ensues. As hard as I try to remain calm, I usually resort to hollering and trying to force our son into better behavior, though of course this rarely does the trick. My wife tends to go with the calm tone, trying to talk our son through the issues, but I don't feel that works either. Is this really just a phase, or are these behaviors we'll have to somehow deal with for years to come? I know meltdowns are typically at 1.5 years, of course, but the frequency of his are what bother me. I couldn't have imagined it would be a daily struggle coping with his multiple meltdowns.

Our son sleeps through the night 95% of the time, he eats well and we do our best to engage his mind with activities as much as possible. I don't know if he is bored with his toys at home. His daycare has had a lot of turnover recently in his classroom, with several different "teachers" handling him the past few months. We feel this could be a major factor in his recent behavior, not having that structure he had the first year at his daycare. Even still, he eats well there and he sleeps well during nap time. As far as we know he gets along well with the other kids in the room. We're not sure if he has learned certain bad behaviors at daycare, like dropping food on the floor and biting, though is seems likely, and we're not sure how much he is being taught correctly. While we have issues with how the daycare might be providing some services for our son, he knows the place well and should feel comfortable there (I guess).

So I don't know if my rash way of dealing with him (some tough love) are having some ill effects in his behavior. Is the good cop/bad cop technique I feel is sometimes employed in our house any better? Are the 8+ hours he spends at daycare five days a week that much more shaping than the hours he spends with his parents? Does having a "problem child" now (a vague phrase, to say the least) mean he will be a problem the rest of his life? What can I do to lower my expectations and accept how my son is instead of thinking how he "should" be? Does anyone have any clues?

Love is a Battlefield

2010-09-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

I just read a great article that really hit home for me. The author reflects on questioning the love of his new baby son when asked, "Don't you just love your baby?" For the first few months the author wasn't totally sure if he felt "love" but as the article concludes he is getting used to the idea while having more success at being a father. This helps him realize his son is growing on him, which is often commonly called, indeed, Love.

What the writer goes through in the article -- colic, vomit, spousal arguments, etc. -- are normal aspects for new parents. It definitely was for us (and still is, in many cases). I learned a lot about myself in those first several months, things I've recounted in this space before. Most notably was my realization that I don't have very much patience, in general, and little toleration for my son's crying/screaming. The spousal arguments/debates continue to this day, though recently I've been trying harder to "tame the beast within" and pick battles better (with varying degrees of success, probably).

I do admit that I am not sure the "love" for my son flowed so easily as it is portrayed in films or by women. I was really pleased that he came out okay, especially since it was found he had a knot in his umbilical cord that could have posed problems had we waited any longer for his birth (he was deliver a week early via C-section). When I spent time with him right after his birth I felt really nervous and a bit sad for him because he was so upset (for obvious reasons). I wanted to really be there for him and comfort but didn't know how. "Love" is not the word I would have used, even at those early minutes with him. More like nervous excitement, at best, but the good kind. The next four days at the hospital, however, were the most challenging, defeating and draining days, as I figured I was well in over my head. A lot of the cliche "This isn't what I signed up for" was being tossed about, from what I remember.

The first three months or so are called "the mother's months" because the men don't have as much to do, really, as the women. Sure, we help out as much as possible, but we can't breastfeed, for one, and the baby needs/wants that mother-baby bonding a lot more in the early days. So while I liked my son and didn't mind putting the work in, I still wasn't "gaga" over him. It wasn't his fault, he just had a lot of baby issues I was dreading, like colic and a piercing scream instead of a cry. Even now when I hear new babies with these sweet little cries I get envious!

More recently, as our son moves head-first into two-dom, my feelings are much different. It didn't take long to really feel genuine love for the kid. Once you hear the first "dada" your heart has to melt. Now he really is communicative and I feel pretty confident in my abilities to care for any of his needs. I can feed him, clothe him, make him laugh, get him to sleep (or fall back asleep), sometimes even by myself, ha ha. He comes to me for certain things, but still wants mommy for others. When he awakes during the night with gas pains he cries out for mommy, and even when I pick him up to comfort him, he still cries for her. So while I'm useful, she will always be the go-to, the default parent. I'm okay with that, for the most part.

The other side of the coin is now he is testing us, almost daily. While he's practically described as an angel at daycare, he can be a beast at home, setting us up for his little tests of what he can get away with the most. His tantrums, like his screaming, make me want to flee the country, and my tendency is to just let him cry it out until he can communicate what he wants (which he can, he just chooses not to in this state). He's even prone to some drama, like when he pretends to have a headache with his hand on his forehead, while with the other hand he points to the freezer asking for an ice pack (which he then promptly puts in this mouth instead of his head -- a miracle cure!).

So, the bottom line is, he's definitely grown on me, and probably even more so than he thinks. I never pictured having a son with blond hair, but now I can't picture him with anything other than blond. I love his vocabulary (which is probably double what I believe it might be), how he feels the need to "cheers" his milk cup with us at dinner at least a dozen times, how he is able to see the moon in the sky no matter how faint or thin, how whenever I put soccer on the TV he yells "ball!". I love that he doesn't mind wearing hats, can't say "dog" but says "woof, woof" instead, says a version of the word "tattoo" if he sees me with my shirt off (I have tattoos), and just moved from "mama" to saying "mommy" after having started using "daddy" for a couple months now.

Don't I just love my baby? Well, yeah, I'd be crazy not to. (As long as he stops throwing his food!)

Reflections on Father's Day

2010-06-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

My second Father's Day has come and gone, and I'm only now starting to decipher my feelings about my day, and the day in general. While I enjoyed the activities that were scheduled for me, including a nice picnic breakfast with friends on Saturday and a family dinner on Sunday, I felt too much trouble was put into all the planning and execution. I can't speak for every father, obviously, but I'm beginning to think Father's Day, if nothing else, should perhaps be a day where we actually prove our worth as fathers, allowing the "men to be men" by doing some of the things we do best.

Now, I'm a guy who enjoys a nice facial from time to time. I don't mind sitting down for two or three World Cup soccer matches in a row. I appreciate getting "props" for being a dad, having a day where fathers get some due. But sitting around while my wife slaves in the kitchen might look cool on Mad Men, but it's not really my thing. After one or two 1-0 or 0-0 World Cup matches, I'm itching for something to do. It being "my day" doesn't mean I can't lend a hand. I mean, it's not my birthday!

So when our son went down for a nap or he and the wife went out for a(nother) run to the store, I tried straightening up the house, doing laundry, even attempting to organize an already fairly organized garage. Unfortunately, we live in a rental so there's no yard work or house upkeep to perform. No dog, so I couldn't walk it, etc. What I'm getting at is I now feel Father's Day is a good day for fathers to do manly things -- around the house, with the kids, whatever. Taking a day off, "earned" or not, isn't all that "manly" is it?

Which brings me to the food and cooking part. My wife's father and uncle are very good, some say great, grillers of meat. They know what they're doing, and I've learned that grilling a piece of chicken until it's burnt is not how it's done. There's skill to the art, and I'm happy to have two guys close by that are willing to impart their knowledge to me (and enjoy the fruits of their labor, as well).

So, on all days, I'm now thinking Father's Day is the perfect day for dads/guys to do at least one thing we do well and enjoy. Given it's June, firing up the BBQ is easy and appropriate. I was in on the decision making for the menu, so I surely ate food that I and others like, but if we grill we are in total control of what we want and how it's done. And when it comes to being a father, who among us doesn't enjoy a little control now and then?

Yes, I know this isn't the ONLY thing(s) Father's Day is about (soccer, BBQs and control, haha). I know it's about being a father, a dad, getting recognition for whatever it is we actually do to help raise our kids. The day is about spending time with our kids, our families and maybe getting a pat on the back for being that guy. There are many role models for being a good father, but we are also the role models for future fathers. And I guess THAT is what it's all about.

About the photo: The above photo was one of many of our son from a "secret" photo shoot that my wife had done for me, shot by a work friend who is getting into photography. The shirt reads "I 'heart' Dadoo," which my wife made using a stencil and iron. "Dadoo" is one his early versions of "dada" so it's a thing that's stuck. The photos were great and one was used on a coffee mug for my Father's Day gift. It was a nice surprise :)

Fifteen Months

2010-05-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

(Photo from March, when J got his ear tubes inserted. We think it has made a noticeable difference!)

Because I enjoy jinxing myself, it's been a nice recent several days that our now-15-month-old son has been sleeping through the night. Nice because for the several days prior to that he had not. We noticed the other day that he had new molars on the bottom row of gums, which may have been a cause for his waking up. Also, he developed bronchitis (again) and got conjunctivitis (pink eye) while we were in Portland the other weekend for our god son's third birthday. Who knows how long that was percolating before rearing it's goopy head.

While J-boy has many typical tendencies for a kid his age, it's been really fun watching these developments in person, with my own child. He asks for things, sometimes using the couple baby signs we taught him, and can do simple tasks like putting his dirty clothes in his laundry basket or tossing out trash/recycling. This isn't to say he "listens" but he obliges when he is interested. Any request involving the words "Don't" or "No" are ignored, of course. He loves books; one of my favorite things he does is hand me or my wife a book he wants read and then sits on the floor in front of you to listen.

I'll try to be more current in posting his developments, not only to give out the updates, but also to keep up this journal in the hopes someone is actually reading it. I enjoy the writing practice and I enjoy writing about the boy. While these past 15 months have shown me levels of frustration and impatience in myself I had hoped never to see, it's nice to realize that we might actually be decent parents (so far) and have our son heading in the right direction, developmentally. And I do have to tip my hat to his day care, too, and of course, our family and friends (or the wife will chastise me for not doing so instead of taking the lion's share of credit).

On Year Down X To Go

2010-02-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

Sorry I've waited almost a month to write this post -- no excuse. On the first of February, our son turned the big One. We celebrated with a nice family lunch at our house then a large play party at Gymboree with what was at least 50 people and kids. Our son was a bit under the weather -- a combo of ear infection, cold, bronchitis, or pneumonia, take your pick -- but survived the festivities. He certainly enjoyed the blue icing from his special birthday cupcake, so much so that he stayed up well past his normal bed time to tell us all about it.

It's been an interesting year (now 13 months), to say the least. I'm sure that's not news to anyone with a child, of course. But for me it had so many highs and lows, some of which I was expecting and others (the lows) shook me worse than I ever would have imagined. I knew raising a new child would be "work" and "change your life" since I heard it practically every day prior to the birth, but it's quite obvious AND an understatement at the same time.

I quickly found my son's crying/screaming to be incredibly saddening and grating to my nerves. I desperately want something to be done to calm him as quickly as possible but I lack the patience do be of adequate service. I make it worse for my wife, who was obviously born with patience to spare, because now she has a baby and a husband freaking out. It's taken a while but now when the boy is upset I feel I have a better understanding of his needs. The racket he makes is still hard to bear but now we he is getting better at communicating his needs and I/we are better able to provide for them. My biggest hope/wish is that I will gain more patience as time goes on and be a good role model for my son when he is able to speak, instead of getting too easily frustrated and making my wife deal with him.

For over a month now our son has been trying to walk and getting more able every day. These days he would rather try and walk than crawl, which is fun to watch. He still is in the "Frankenstein" mode of stiffly walking, but he can crouch, pick up something, and get back up without touching the floor with his hands. Watching him turn corners is funny, and though the thought of him fully mobile presents a new slew of concerns, it's this time of his life that I've been waiting for.

Seeing him develop has been the most rewarding part of this year. I was really worried his numerous illnesses, ear infections, etc., would hinder him in some way. But his sight, hearing and all the other main areas are developing well. He does, however, need to get tubes inserted into his ears in a couple weeks to alleviate the constant fluid in his ears, the cause of his about 10 ear infection of the past year. We are confident this common procedure will go well, and the tubes will make him an even happier and healthier boy.

World News

2010-01-11T10:52:00.000-08:00

Two news stories today are frightening and have me thinking a little today about gender and religion.

The first story, which is just gaining traction in the press, is about a Pakistani couple who sacrificed their three-month old baby girl in the hopes they would "get rich". Obviously this is sick behavior, in a variety of ways. Apparently the couple were advised to do this heinous act from a "witch doctor." How backwards is a society when people are still seeking out the advice of a witch doctor? Worse yet, when did becoming "rich" supersede the joy of being parents? Trust me, I know how hard it is being a parent now, and there are a few (very few, actually) times when I wonder if we'd have been better off not having had a child, but there's never been any idea in my head that we could just sacrifice him (or give him away, send him back, etc.) just for the money. In a segue to the next story below, I wonder if the parents and this "doctor" would have felt differently if the baby was a boy instead of a girl. And where do witches go to school to get a doctorate?

Rituals have been part of many of the world's societies through the eons, but I like to believe Earth's people have moved forward. Blind faith is another old tool of the mindless. When the witch doctor told the parents they would get rich by this sacrifice, did he tell them how this would happen? Would it be money in a rainstorm like frogs falling from the sky, or an insider stock tip? Personally, I would really need to see this person's credentials before putting all my eggs in the sacrifice basket. I'd have to ask him how many others got rich from this scheme, or the consequences of giving us the wrong advice (like if a sacrifice made them itch, not rich).

The second story was shown to me by my wife and it involves the drastic difference between the amount of men in China compared to women, and how in a decade's time these men will be without the possibility of a spouse because of it. China has a strict one-child-per-family limit to help keep down the population and an old notion that men are more important to the health of the society than women. According to the article, with the availability of ultrasound technology, parents can find out the sex of the child, and, given the importance of boys in the society, decide to abort a girl fetus to try again for a boy.

While I understand and agree with controlling the population (I sometimes wish there was a similar policy in the US), killing off females for the sake of the state is the ultimate in hysteria. I can almost "get" the maniacal behavior in the first story, given the religious nature of a ritual, but in 2010 it's hard to see how people still believe having a boy will grant them better wishes compared to a girl. Maybe it's China's lack of free outside information in the very rural areas that has not given them the memo that women are/can be successful. If the country isn't going to allow women the same access to gaining that success, then this ugly practice will surely go on unabated.

On a relevant side note, I was fairly pleased with China's response after its large 2008 earthquake that killed at least 68,000 people. It decided to lift the one-child-per-family ban to those parents who lost their children in the earthquake. No clue on how many of the families took advantage of this permission, but I hope there were a bunch of girls born because of it.

Moody Blues

2009-12-14T14:51:00.000-08:00

I've found since having our son that my mood goes as his mood goes; if he is happy, I am happy, and if he is unhappy, I am similarly unhappy. Yes, it's a roller coaster for the emotions, and it often sours my day or night if my son's mood sours. I guess when he is upset I feel like I'm letting him down, by either depriving him of sleep or food, for example. I would like him to not want for anything, and my wife and I anticipate his needs before he melts down. Obviously this is an impossibility, but it's something that bothers me.

I worry if we don't let him nap long enough or if he misses a nap, or has to go to bed later than usual. He's been doing really well lately with sleeping through the night and I guess I don't want to do anything to disrupt that. So while I didn't think I'd become the parent who lets his kid's schedule rule my life, I have become that indeed. Want us to meet you at noon? No, thank you, but we can meet earlier/later. Inviting us over for dinner? Sure, if we can get the early bird special and get home by 6:30PM.

Apparently my bad mood coinciding with his doesn't help matters. My ranting while he screams supposedly causes ire. Although I complain (loudly) because I am concerned we are doing our son wrong, I've heard there's a better way of handling these situations. It's surely better to react positively or, at worst, be in control of one's emotions. Yes, I understand this. My hope is that I figure out how to do just that sooner rather than later. Also, I'm quite looking forward to the day when my son has enough vocabulary to let us know in words what is bothering him. Until then, I'll be writing resolutions and counting to 10 in my head next time Mount J erupts.

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Elf on the Shelf

2009-12-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

Last year we were turned on to this great Christmas tradition called "Elf on the Shelf." It's a story book and an Elf figure that you place in a different location around the house each day before Christmas (presumably not all year long, just like after Thanksgiving, I guess). The story of the Elf is that he (or she, since you can buy a skirt for your elf) comes from the North Pole, directed by Santa Claus to watch all the little boys and girls while Santa is hard at work making toys. Each night the Elf returns north to report to Santa how the kids are behaving, then returns to your home in a different spot for the next day.

The purpose of this, besides a sweet new Christmas tradition for the family, is to try and keep kids behaving during a stressful time of year. The children are also instructed not to touch the Elf or his "magic" will wear off and he won't be able to tell Santa how good the child has been, possibly negating Santa's visit on the 25th. To make the Elf more personable, the Elf should be named and you can even register the elf's name on the Elf on the Shelf web site.

The web site, by the way, is great, especially if you have Flash software on your computer (Who doesn't nowadays? You? Oh, then download here), and looks like those old-time Christmas shows created with stop animation, like the one about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Frosty the Snowman. There's a lot to enjoy on the site for kids and parents alike.

Our son can't yet comprehend the reason for the Elf in our house but he picked up on the Elf itself rather quickly. For about a week now we've been moving him around the house and asking him "Where's the Elf?" Our son immediately starts looking around the room for the Elf, glancing in the spots he remembers seeing the Elf previously. It's amazing how fast he picked up on it and that he looks in those previous spots for his new friend. We tell him not to touch the elf, and I make sure to set the Elf out of grabbing height. Our son does, however, "wave" to the Elf, though since he's still learning to wave properly, I can't tell if he's really waving or reaching out to grab the thing.

We sent it to our friends Carrie and Steve for their son last year, and he immediately named the Elf "Elfie" and loved searching the house for it before school. This year we sent Elf on the Shelf to our god son Dominik. His mom thinks the Elf will help her keep little D on the "nice" list more than just the threat of Santa not coming because he's been "naughty." I'm sure we will be sending this gift to other families as time goes on, too. This sort of tradition is something that feels a less fabricated, I guess because I never knew about it before last year, and thus didn't think it was overhyped or mass-marketed. Obviously the day will come when the Elf will become passé as our children get older, but I like that this is something that can be kept within the family and passed on to the next generation.

Note: I am NOT getting paid to advertise/endorse this product. But, hey, if the makers want to toss me a couple bucks my address is...

Thankful

2009-12-01T12:40:00.000-08:00

This may come a week or so late, but in this time of giving, and giving thanks, I wanted to list some things I am thankful for this holiday season.

Being surrounded by family and friends who genuinely love our now 10-month-old son. As great as it has been to watch our son develop every day, it's been equally amazing at how much our family and friends have taken to him. Through holidays, family events, and now "play dates," so many of you have allowed our son into your lives, and for that I am thankful.
Having a wife who allows me to be me, even when parts of me act out in a manner unbecoming of my best self. I get easily frustrated when things don't go "accordingly" with our son, like him not sleeping through the night or seeming to be sick every other day of his short life. Somehow my wife has stuck by me, understanding my venting process (for better or worse -- mostly worse), and helping me realize not everything will go perfectly. I've learned a lot about myself during this process of being a father, and I admit I don't like all of it. I'm trying to use what I learn as motivation to change certain behaviors, and I think my wife realizes this process is sometimes a slow one...
Living in a country where I can speak my mind, at least virtually. Much to the chagrin of many of my "friends" I often use Facebook as a soapbox to air many grievances, mostly regarding religion and/or our government/politicians. I doubt I can change anyone's mind but at least I try to point out the other side of issues, or show that you can't always believe what you see at first glance. I don't like seeming like a snob, but I do feel people act in knee-jerk reactions, so pointing out what may not be obvious to someone at least makes me feel like I'm giving them the whole picture on an issue.
Traditions. I have been called a Scrooge in the past during this time of year, believe it or not. I do, however, enjoy Christmas, just maybe not the way it is "celebrated" nowadays. I am a purist when it comes to Christmas decorations, songs, and any meaning to be gleaned from it all. I love classical imagery, original versions of classic Christmastime music, and the stories that framed how the holiday came about (there's no mention of "Christmas" in the Bible, of course). I don't enjoy the crass over-marketing of the holiday by retail shops, the hijacking of right-wing religious fundamentalists who argue that atheists or the ACLU are trying to "take Christ out of Christmas," or ridiculous versions of holiday music (yes, I'm talking about your reggae Christmas CD).
Giving back. As many of you know, for the month of November I (and men all over the world) grew a moustache to help raise awareness and funds for prostate and testicular cancer. It was an organization called "Movember" and it was a pretty fun time. I had never really gotten involved in something like this, and I was really pleased to have stuck with it the entire month. It's nice to have my face back, but with the donations of so many friends and family members, it made it all worth it. I was able to raise over $1,000 for the cause, which was well more than I had ever imagined.

I'm sure there are more items to be added, but I don't want to get too sappy or too self-righteous, anymore than I already have. I look forward to celebrating the upcoming holidays with our son, creating new memories and holiday traditions of our own. It will be unlike anything else in my life, seeing the holidays through the eyes of my own child.

Finally

2009-09-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

I am going to try and not over-hype this, but for the first time in our son's seven months (as of the 1st) of life, he FINALLY slept through the night! Recently he has only woken up once a night, around 1AM, taken a feeding, then slept until either he woke up at his usual time or we actually had to go in and wake him. But last night he went down around 7:15PM and nary a peep was heard until 6AM-ish, when my wife went in to soothe him and he went back to sleep for at least another 45 minutes. Again, I don't want to jinx it, but it is a pretty exciting development.

Speaking of developments, the boy has gone through a few of note. He cut his two bottom front teeth at the same time. He is eating his first solids (mush), and seems to like veggies more than fruit, so far. To my dismay, for reasons I won't recount now, my wife gives him little pieces of graham cracker or other crackers and kid "puffs" for him to munch on. He is drinking water from a cup, though not yet holding the cup or his bottle. His hair is finally coming in, for the most part, and so far it is blonde. His eyes are still somewhat blue, but sometimes look green, and we can't tell if they will stay that way or not. He can sit up really well now, and stays up, for the most part, without a lot of supervision. And while our son can get up on his hands and knees he still is not crawling. We're not too dismayed about that; maybe he'll be one of those kids who goes right to walking and skips crawl altogether. I'm not sure which is worse...

We seem to like his daycare, though we still scratch our heads about what actually goes on there. The new daycare he's in is a big step up from the original one, but I guess they all have their quirks. At least the energy level is much higher at the new one. And the staff/owners are pretty receptive to our needs, which isn't bad.

So we're having a grand time with the boy these days. We have a schedule and routine down for him. He looks at the correct person when we say "where's mommy" or "where's daddy" (the first time he looked at me after getting that question was a huge highlight for me). He loves to play with us and really enjoys laughing at the silly stuff we do to/with him. I guess this is what people mean by the "reward" of having a child. It's nice to finally reap! At least until the next monkey wrench gets thrown our way...

To NJ and Back

2009-07-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

On June 29th we left for a week-long adventure in New Jersey to visit with my family and introduce them properly to our son for the first time. We were mainly excited to have our son meet my dad, who is going to be 87 in September, since J is the first grandchild in our family since 1971 (my sister's son, who is only 14 months younger than me...). The trip went really well, with only a few downs compared to the many ups we shared.

The plane ride out went well. We opted for daytime flights instead of our typical red-eye flights to help give us extra time out there. We didn't want to risk keeping the plane cabin awake with a potentially screaming child while people are trying to sleep, so the non-stop day flight was a good move for everyone. There was really only one meltdown, but a good rocking and bottle quelled it before the Air Marshals had to step in! The flight back home was even easier, minus a plane problem that made the airline switch terminals and the size of the plane. We almost got bumped (again) but my wife deftly played the "baby card" which may have helped us get a seat on the new plane. We thought we were safe until they realized a baby would be in an exit row (not allowed) and that he was check in as an infant without a seat though we paid the money to get his own seat so we wouldn't have to hold him for 5.5 hours. It all worked out in the end and J slept through a lot of the flight.

His demeanor while in NJ was up and down, with a melt down here and there to keep up in check. One happened in the car on the second night, and some later-night road work caused a traffic jam that only made his screaming bout longer and more frustrating. The kid just doesn't know how to cry, only yell! He was really overtired, apparently, so much so that he slept for EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT that night, from 10PM to 6AM, the longest such stretch to date. We actually thought he might have died, honestly and morbidly as it sounds, because he was in the same position the whole night. My wife touched him to see if he was okay and he felt really cold so she got paranoid. I went to check him and felt his head, which was warm, thankfully, then moved his hand and he stretched his fingers out. We let out a sigh of relief...

My father and my siblings really enjoyed spending time with our son, and that was the whole point of the trip. Everyone got to hold him and J seemed to take well to all of them. He like grabbing my dad's ear and nose, and also gave him many slobbery kisses that my dad promptly wiped off with nearby tissues. It was really great to see our family all together for such an occasion.

Straight Leg

2009-06-17T11:15:00.000-07:00

We've moved into our new place, just emptying boxes now. It will take a couple weeks to be able to re-learn everything, like where the plates or glasses are now. But we have more room, and hopefully we won't feel the urgent need to FILL those spaces too quickly.

Our son seems to have gone through the transition pretty smoothly. He's finally over his cold and latest ear infection, and it has brought out more of his personality (just as I had hoped). He loves laughing at funny noises and has started to mimic our silly mouth sounds, like the "raspberry." It makes him spit and drool everywhere, but it's a riot to see/hear.

Also, lately he has even started sleeping better, maybe from finally being over all that sickness. Instead of waking up four or more times after putting him down around 7PM, last night he only woke three times. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but it's far better than him waking every hour after midnight like he has done in the past. He's beginning to eat more, which also could be attributed to him sleeping better. Where we used to give him four ounces at a time, we now start with at least five ounces in the bottle. He might not finish the entire bottle every time but at the end of the day he's still taking in more altogether.

Saturday night, however, our son started really screaming in pain when he was put down on his back, and he stopped kicking or grabbing his left leg/foot. We were at a loss trying to figure out what could be the cause. We had a babysitter over that day, a young girl that was recommended to us, and he was fussy most of the day with her, too, but not screaming in agony at any time. He did fall asleep that night but woke up often and uncomfortable. We were sure his leg could be fractured or his something happened to his hip. He could move the leg and his foot, so I didn't think that was the issue. But I felt his quad muscle, however, and it was really tight/hard compared to the other leg's muscle.

The next day he still wouldn't bend the leg even though he wasn't crying when laid down. My wife decided to take him to Urgent Care at a local hospital and find out what was the matter. The helpful pediatrician there felt the problem could be a fractured femur or a sterile abscess. Earlier in the week he had gotten four shots of vaccinations (two in each leg) at his four-month doctor visit, one of which may have caused the abscess. At that time my wife decided against X-rays because of the risk of radiation to our son's testes, so no more definitive answers could be given.

On Monday my wife took the boy to our regular pediatrician and he recommended the X-ray to be sure what was going on. My wife did allow it, as the doctor said X-rays aren't as harsh as they used to be and his "daddy sac" would be covered (see photo). The doctor analyzed the pictures and deduced it was not a fracture, thankfully, nor any other bone separation. It was figured that one of the shots given had nicked a blood vessel causing some internal bleeding that feels like a deep tissue bruise. He should hopefully be over it in a few days...

A couple days later and he still won't bend his left leg at the knee, keeping it stiff when we try to bend it for him. He doesn't seem to mind weight on the leg, like when we hold him standing up, but he still won't kick the it like he usually enjoys. Some ice and perhaps massage should help out. In any case, he isn't too upset about it anymore, and has been a pleasure lately, making us laugh and smile even more than we do to him. Hopefully soon we will get a few days with him being "normal" (no illness or injury), if that even exists.

More of the Same

2009-06-09T12:53:00.001-07:00

The past several weeks have been a test in same-ness, at least when it comes to the well-being of our son (and us). Last week he was diagnosed with his THIRD ear infection, riding fast on the heels of a very snotty cold (which he lent to me for a week). He has received antibiotic shots and grape-flavored medicine to relieve the ear infections, but it just keeps recurring. He has had some sort of sickness for the past six weeks, though the past couple of days have shown some improvement. We go in today for his four-month check up with the pediatrician, and I'm hoping he has some decent news on the state of our kid's health.

Besides the stop/start sleeping, the unwillingness to eat and some crabbiness, our son has a pretty good demeanor and has shown he is putting up either a good front or he's giving it the good fight. Most times during the day he is quick to smile and the past few days has gotten his laugh back (he had sore throats that seemed to have made him clam up -- and not eat). He loves silly sounds and laughs easily to them. He's also gotten really good at reaching for things, including his feet which he can limberly put into his mouth (drives me nuts...). Drooling is non-stop now, as well as sucking on his fingers/hands, as well as the aforementioned feet.

What I'm trying to say is, "I wonder what his personality would really be like if he wasn't sick for so long." Would he sleep better? Would he be even more developed than he already appears to be? There have been times during the past one-plus months that were very frustrating because I knew the situation probably would be different had he not been ill. I am really looking forward to enjoy the "real" him when finally/hopefully gets over these ailments.

As much as I'd like to see it differently, we are blaming his entry into daycare for the sicknesses. Almost immediately after starting the daycare, even part-time, did he start feeling the effects of being around about a dozen kids. We've witnessed more than a few runny noses in the place, which obviously leads to being contagious. This could have happened anywhere, but we (as new parents) are a bit paranoid that the day care might not be as hygenic as it could/should be. We even have taken steps to get on a waiting list or two at other facilities, mainly because they appear cleaner (among other things).

To add to our "misery" we are also moving out of our apartment into a duplex, which will afford us more space and other perks (in-home washer/dryer, garage, lots more storage). Plus, at the end of the month we travel back East to visit my family. We have been thinking of doing some "Ferber-izing" with our son to get him to sleep longer, but the move and travel may put that goal off a few weeks.

Suffice it to say, it has been a long few weeks. The wife started work full-time last week, too, and likes to get home early to be with the boy. That is nice but because of that she often has to do some work after he goes to bed. Apparently this is life... I'm not complaining, seriously, but I am still waiting for all those "rewards" I heard that come with having a child. I admit I am easily won over by my son's smile, even when he breaks it out while in his crib when he should be sleeping. Again, I am very excited to meet my real son when he gets over his illnesses and finally reap those rewards!

A Couple of Firsts

2009-05-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

This week marked a few milestones in our 14-week-old son. This past Saturday he spent the night with his aunt, uncle and cousins as his parents took a short road trip north to get away for some "alone time." Admittedly we spent most of our time talking about the boy and/or getting updates about his status. Not sure which of the three of us fared the best: we missed him, couldn't get any spa treatments and drank too much wine, while he had a big poop and slept pretty well for being away from us for so long. At the end of it he seemed pretty upset and wanted mommy, and she/we really wanted to see him. We spent our first Mother's Day together and vowed not to do that to him again (until the next time, of course).

He got back into our care with another first: his first cold. He could have gotten it anywhere, be it the day care, from either of his parents or at his family's. In any case he got it and is still getting over it. My wife is doing a lot of siphoning to get out the nastiness from his nose, much to the boy's chagrin. He has a cough and sneezes often, but apparently does not have strep throat or anything worse than his first common cold. Surprisingly the day care will take him with a cold (but not high fever), though we did keep him out yesterday.

Keeping him home on a day care day led to another first: Daddy's first real alone time with the boy. For an hour and a half the other weekend I watched him and for an hour of it (or so it seemed) he screamed and cried as loud as he could. He was probably overtired, but I could not soothe him until I started carrying him around in the football hold. He actually fell asleep on my arm, finally, and I was able to put him down until mommy came home to save the day. With this experience in mind I dreaded being alone with him, and this time it would be for at least 4-5 hours.

Not to toot my own horn but I think I did everything right, and the boy responded really well! I fed him ahead of him getting really upset and hungry and put him down for naps when I saw the sleepy cues. He played in his new (used) Exersaucer, had some good tummy time, and we even went out for a walk together. He only cried a little but I managed to figure out he was still hungry and not yet ready to sleep. Even his bit of fussiness before his first nap was easily quelled by some rocking and singing in his ear. It was like night and day, my tow alone experiences. I had nothing but good things to report when mommy got home. Sadly all this didn't help him sleep last night -- he was up at least four times after we put him to bed. It could be the sickness, but the night prior wasn't as bad.

Other recent milestones include the boy being able to reach out for things and grab them, like his toys and his mommy's dinner plate. His cooing vocabulary is getting more extensive and his "talking" bouts more lengthy. He can grab his feet with both hands, and I think this morning he was grabbing his right foot with his left hand. And he's also getting stronger lifting his head during tummy time. I know, not surprising to veteran parents, but this is all new/exciting to me!

First Trip Down (Up)

2009-04-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we took our first airplane trip with the boy. It was to introduce him to our friends in Portland and celebrate their son's (our god son) 2nd birthday. At just under three months old, I was pretty nervous at how our son would react to all the stimuli of flying. As it turns out, I was the only one with frayed nerves.

Packing for a weekend trip was usually a chore in figuring out what to wear, how many shoes to bring and hoping the suitcase was under 50 pounds (it has not been a couple times). But adding another human into the fold posed logistical situations previously un-dealt with. We had to really pare down what we might normally bring and create room in bags for diapers, breast pump and pacifiers. That meant only bringing what was needed, not what might be needed, like exercise gear, or a separate pair of shoes for each outfit (we are both guilty of that). We used a big suitcase for our stuff, but left room for some of his stuff and the pump. We also brought a carry-on bag for more of the baby's needs, and the airline lets you bring on a diaper bag in addition to the carry-on when traveling with a child (very helpful). Magically, it all fit and we didn't forget anything!

We left on Saturday morning, which helped reduce traffic. This also allowed us to have the entire three-seat row to ourselves, so we could bring on the car seat instead of holding the boy the whole 1.5-hour trip (same coming back, too!). We brought the Snap & Go for a stroller and I wanted to bring the car seat base instead of using the seat alone in the rental car, and that was a wise decision (in my opinion). Going through security was interesting since we had to take the boy out of the seat, break down the stroller, then put it and the car seat through the X-ray, along with our shoes, of course (groan). Going out it was a smooth-ish process because the terminal was fairly quiet; coming back at PDX was a bit more worrisome for me since we had people breathing down our necks behind us, but everyone stayed human and didn't complain. The formula had to be set aside and checked, which the wife thought was pretty cool, as the TSA guy tested the vapors from the formula to make sure it was legit. Oddly/scarily enough, this check did not happen at the Portland airport...

I really like that we can board the plane earlier because we're traveling with a child. I don't necessarily enjoy sitting around on a plane longer, but it's nice to have a couple extra minutes to get situated (not to mention some actual overhead space). I guess there is a flip-flopping rule about the placement of the car seat in the row because we originally put it in between us so we both could hang out with the boy, in plain sight of a flight attendant. A different attendant came and told us he had to be by the window because my wife wouldn't be able to get out of the row in case of emergency. It made sense to us, but it would have been nice not to have to go through the (admittedly not difficult) strap-in process again.

We knew to either feed him or use a pacifier to help ear popping, but our son got hungry before take-off and ate most of his formula before we even got to the runway. The by-product of this was him falling asleep and that made it all the more easier. He didn't wake up during the ascent and wasn't bothered when he did wake during flight. He was in/out of sleep again for the long descent or did a lot of yawning on his own, again with not complaints. (I forgot to mention that we were a bit worried about all this because earlier in the week he was diagnosed (early) with his first ear infection.) On the way home he fed on the ascent and sucked on his pacifier on the way down, with success both ways. He was a little fussy on the way home due to the flight being near his bedtime, but overall it would have been difficult to know that he was the youngest person on the plane (and the only baby on the plane for the ride home).

In June/July we have a bigger test for him since we will be flying coast to coast. To insure comfort we had to buy a seat for him, but that should let us have our own row again, depending on the plane. I can only hope the staff of this airline will be as helpful and accommodating as the one we used to go North. After seeing their fee schedule and the red tape we had to cut through to use our "free" vouchers earned from being unceremoniously bumped (again) from a flight last year, I am not so confident. But if this short trip was any indication of our son's capacity for travel, he will be the least of my worries!

Same Old, Same Old

2009-04-14T10:11:00.001-07:00

I've been shying away from writing posts recently because I feel they will be redundant in nature. Also, I don't want to seem like I'm complaining. But the issues we've been going through the past two months with our little guy are only getting incrementally better. He's growing, he's really cute and sweet, but he still isn't maturing in some ways where I thought he might be given that he is closing in on three months old.

The good stuff first. Last week he was weighed in at 13 pounds, 8 ounces, which I correctly guessed prior to the doctor visit. I did change that original guess to six ounces after a little thought, because I couldn't imagine him growing at the rate he had been the prior two months. His weight is pretty average for his age, which was 10 weeks on Easter Sunday. His height, however, which I can't remember right now, is still in the 90th percentile, meaning he has the height of a 3.5-month-old child. So our boy is long and lean -- lucky him. Don't worry, he still has the requisite rolls and folds all babies get as they fatten up.

Also, we're getting some great smiles and a lot of cooing from him. His vocabulary of sounds seems to be growing by the day, with some high-pitched squeals thrown in here and there. It's really fun getting him to match our tones and smile when we beam at him. It is the reward of having a child, or so it is said.

On to the not so good... Our son is either normal in this regard, or we don't know what we're doing, but we still cannot get him to sleep for long(er) stretches at night. We have a routine of bathing him and/or reading to him prior to putting him down in his crib, and this is usually around 8PM. Often he will sleep to past 11 o'clock and sometimes until midnight, but then he is crying and seems hungry. He will get a feeding then goes back to sleep fairly easily, only to wake most of the time within an hour. Last week he would sleep for a couple hours at a time after that midnight feeding, then wake for good around 6AM. This felt normal and manageable. Recently, however, he'd sleep for the 3-4 hours initial stretch, but now he would wake every hour after that. This seems like a major step backwards...

He gets naps during the daytime, but I don't think they are for more than an hour at a time. Yesterday he did get a 1.5 hour nap before I got home from work, but mostly his naps are more like catnaps here and there. Because I don't see him during the weekdays, I could be mischaracterizing this. I don't even want to mention the major screaming attacks he has when he fights going to sleep! Since we're often on the go on the weekends he catches some z's in the car seat during our various errands. So I feel he's either not sleeping enough during the day, which messes up his night sleep, or he is overstimulated from a lot of activity during his waking hours. My wife thinks his room is too cold, though we do keep him swaddled with a blanket partially covering him and wearing a hat. So who knows?

We are attending a sleep class/seminar this Saturday so hopefully some light can be shed on what might be happening. Is his behavior normal? Are we trying to do too much with him, thus overstimulating him? It's very frustrating, though I probably have set my expectations too high. You tell me, please!

It is Ni-Ni time, please

2009-03-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough week or so, and perhaps rougher (more rough?) the past couple of days. By rough I mean it could be a lot worse, but for us being new parents, the experience of trying to get our son to get quality sleep for long(er) stretches, and at the appropriate times, has been, well, "rough."

The past couple of days/nights we've been trying to ween him out of his cradle and into the crib. Gone is the busy mobile and stuffed animals sharing space in the crib. The bumper is still there but we've discussed doing something with it, as well. All in the name of keeping our son concentrated on falling asleep and not interested in his surroundings. So far, it hasn't yet worked according to plan. We're not sure if he's happy sleeping on his back, though he did okay in the cradle. He sleeps well, however, in his swing and car seat, where he's on an angle. He also sleeps fairly well on his side, but we don't have anything to prop him up, if we even decided to do such a thing. Let's just say it's been a battle, okay?

We're trying to keep a schedule, or at least a routine, but our method has flexibility. He sleeps, feeds when he wakes, has some play time while awake, then goes to sleep again. Every other night we give him a bath to calm him, give him a massage with lotion, then read to him in hushed voices with the lights down before putting him down for sleepy time. At least that's the plan. Either because of gas, colic, or not liking being on his back, the past couple nights he has been really wailing shortly after he goes down. He lulls us into a false sense of security by being "asleep" in our arms only to scream shortly after laying him down.

The other part of the plan is letting him cry a little before rushing into comfort him, trying to get him to self soothe. We've only just started doing this, so we did try to assure him we were always there when he needed us. Now that he's almost two months old (already!) we'd like him to learn to calm himself down when he wakes during sleep. This process definitely isn't easy since our son isn't much of a cryer, but more of a wailer or screamer. His "cry" makes him sound like he's in pain but of course as soon as he's picked up he stops, so we know he's okay (since he doesn't show any signs of being sick or hurt).

The process will also take some time for him to learn, also, and is hasn't been easy for me. I don't know if it's the pitch, the volume or what, but something about his crying really works me over, almost to the point of wincing when I hear it. Last night I was slightly better about it than the night before, so hopefully I will get used to it and/or our son will learn better to relax and soothe himself. I'm also afraid our neighbors in the apartment next door will call the police thinking we're hurting our child (the wall of the nursey is adjacent to their living room, and vice versa). From what I can tell, our neighbors also use this cry-out method, since at 8:10pm every night their youngest daughter, who is perhaps almost two, cries herself to sleep. I don't consider it payback, per se, but our son's crying should be abated by some determination and effort on our part, while their daughter may continue crying at night indefinitely.

We know that a well-rested baby is a happy baby, so we will keep on truckin' with getting the boy to sleep through the night. I read too many books pre-birth to let our son get over on us and think he's boss (he is). The colic thing sort of throw's a monkey wrench into our routine or methods, but keeping his stimulation in check and well-fed and rested should help us stay on track. Last night, for instance, he slept for 3.5 hours straight (after a bit of struggle), then got a feeding, then slept another couple of hours. All this was while on his back, in his crib. There's surely room for improvment, but it's a first step!

From 7 to 11

2009-03-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

Our little man Jack went to his pediatrician yesterday and weighed in a 11 pounds, one ounce, which we came to find out is actually normal for a baby at five weeks. We didn't know until yesterday that his head size was on the small size at the last appointment but has since gained size to become average also. His length, however, at over 23 inches, is above average for his age, which I consider to be pretty cool, for some reason. When is it good to start a kid in sports? (Kidding -- anytime is a good time, LOL)

He still has colic, though it is apparently on the "mild" side, since he doesn't cry for hours on end. There are a couple points during each day, mostly in the evenings, where he does have trouble passing gas and stool. When it (gas) does eventually come out, it's sort of comical but mostly just smelly. The pediatrician made a joke that smelly gas is hereditary, and since I wasn't at the appointment I'm sure he was referring to me, har har. Jack's crying isn't funny, true, but the outcome of all his red faces and squirming can be a little funny, especially when his farts last a few seconds at a time.

But enough about poopy and boom booms... We're trying to get the boy to sleep better during the night, creating some sort of battle plan with strategies and protocols, etc. We've instituted a bath ritual every two days but I don't think Jack realizes it's part of our attack to get him to begin the sleep process. We read to him and feed him afterwards, though for now he's more interested in the bottle than what's on the page. We don't expect him to sleep all night long yet, but we'd like him to get used to being in a bed, on his back, and maybe even self-soothe himself more. He's not a big fan of his lovely crib yet, so we still put him in the bassinet. Personally, I think because it's still cold he doesn't like all the open-ness of a crib, but rather the closeness of his cradle. Hopefully when it's warmer he will dig the crib. My wife thinks there's "too much going on" in his crib with the bumpers, mobile, and stuffed animal friends on the edge for him to ignore and fall asleep. I'm not in total agreement, but until he sleeps well in the crib, I don't have many other explanations.

It's definitely been interesting having a fussy baby. I mean, the more exposure and knowledge I get about his condition(s), the more I'm comfortable around him, even when he's screaming. Sometimes in the car he has serious bouts of crying and yelling at the top of his little lungs, but he cannot be consoled. I've only been witness to that behavior once (unfortunately not close to home), while the wife has been hit by it a few times now. The doctor told us there's nothing we can do but let him cry it out, that it might be the position he's in that puts uncomfortable pressure on his tummy. But it's completely nerve-wracking and heartbreaking, and I/we feel pretty helpless.

We can only be happy in the fact that this will be something he should outgrow soon, as his internal mechanisms mature and he learns how to deal with it himself, too. And as he grows so will we, finding new ways to soothe and comfort him. And before we know it we're getting a whopping four straight hours of sleep a night, ha ha!

Gas is on the Rise

2009-02-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

Things with the new boy are progressing fairly normally. In three and a half weeks he has gained over 2 pounds and weighed in yesterday at over 10 pounds. He doesn't look fattened, but his cheeks are very squishy and his mom say his fingers have gotten fatter. He still has the skinny baby legs and arms, so I guess most of the weight must be in his head.

He already can move his head around and hold it up pretty well. He still smacks his face into my shoulder when I hold him, which of course causes his to cry. This morning mommy noticed how baby Jack has started trying to roll over, and he can at least get onto his side a bit. She had him in his bassinet so she could shower and noticed it was lopsided when she got out (it rocks and wasn't locked in a prone position). Jack rolled a little to one side, since he can, and made it tilt.

He sleeps pretty well during the day and seems to always be hungry. When he wakes he doesn't really cry to announce his hunger; it's more of a yell. A lot of times I think his hunger determines his mood: If he's not satisfied he will scream through diaper changes, baths, or other attention. When his belly is full he's a real treat to be around, especially when he's still awake and wide-eyed. Problem for me is, he takes SO long to eat and it seems to take so much for him to get satiated. I feel like he's overfeeding and we're on our way to having a very large (obese) boy. On top of that, I have a paranoia that giving him formula is like making him drink soda, though I know it's silly (kind of).

In the evenings, however, especially after like 9PM, Jack starts to get fussy to the point that feeding and changing him doesn't calm him down like it does earlier in the day. Apparently the gas inside him builds up and he finally needs to pass it, which gives him fits. When we told the pediatrician about his behavior (loose stool, crying/screaming) he gave his diagnosis: the dreaded COLIC. My wife knew this was my biggest fear (is there a small fear?), a colic-y child, especially after I told her how I read so much about its challenges. At least for now it's not too bad, only occurring in the evening, but it's right before bed time. During the day he feeds and falls asleep pretty easily, and stays asleep. At night he feeds then yells for a while before either needing to be changed and fed again, or eventually falls asleep after midnight. He sleeps for a couple hours before needing more attention, then repeats this a few hours later.

Last night we gave him an anti-diarrhea medicine which seemed to do the trick (I guess we will see before/after the next time). We tried Mylicon but it didn't seem to take all that well, though we know people who swear by it. I wish there was something more natural to help him, but at this point it's about him and us getting some comfortable sleep. Again, it could be (or might get) worse, and his colic could strike during the daytime too. We know this will subside eventually but also know it won't be easy going until then.

It's been very frustrating for me since I read all about this and learned how to help him cope, but when it came time to act my education seemed to fail, at least so far. Swaddling is nice, but he's gotten strong enough to squirm an arm out during his gassy fussing. The "shushing" in his ear has not worked at all. Holding him on his stomach only makes him madder. We have not tried white noise, but since he does get to sleep eventually, I only think it would just be noise for noise's sake.

Apparently I need to be patient, and attend to his needs as best as possible. Getting frustrated doesn't help anyone (mommy especially). It's not Jack's fault he ended up this way, so I'm definitely not mad at him. I admit I was really concerned/worried/dreading about having a colic baby, but now I have one and will still have to love him the way he is, maybe more even...

P.S. Please excuse the blurry quality of the photo. It was taken with my Smartphone on 2/22/09.

He Arrives

2009-02-06T15:17:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, February 1st, at 10:09AM Mommy and Daddy in Waiting welcomed Jackson Race into the big, wide world. We knew he was coming around that time due to elective Cesarean Section. The fear from my wife was Jackson might be too big, any induction could be harmful to the baby and end in c-section anyway, or there may be shoulder dystotia in the boy and he could suffer a broken shoulder or worse. So my wife elected to deliver that way, and it ended up being a decent decision, as Jack had a loose knot in his umbilical cord. He must have jumped through it early on in the pregnancy but thankfully it never tightened. The nurses commented, however, that it easily could have gotten tighter during a vaginal delivery.

Anyway, he's here and, yes, life has surely changed. It's been five days but I'm still in disbelief, like I'm watching a movie of someone else's life. He's so tiny, making seem almost unreal, but hearing him breathe and seeing him stretch, etc., makes it hit home every time that this is the big dance now. I pictured this time of my life for months but now that it's finally here, I'm still in awe.

He's a bit fussy, which makes me feel he is definitely MY child, but each day that has passed has make me enjoy him more and get to know his tendencies better. Like almost any baby, he's surely no fan of getting his diaper changed, but the venom in his cries and screams during the changes really threw me off in the early going. I'm feeling pretty comfortable changing him, especially after NEVER changing a baby ever before, but Jack makes it sound like he's in real agony. This really freaked me out but the nurses and doctor haven't found any reason to believe his behavior is any concern. "He's a screamer" has been the answer. So now I make sure to have the changing table prepared to cut down the time he's "wide open."

The things we didn't want to do, like using a pacifier and supplementing his breast-milk diet with formula, has been invaluable so far. Once the wife gets her body used to his needs and can really get the milk flowing, we didn't see any other way around the formula needs. Our doctor approved so we did what we felt was the right thing, at least for now. The pacifier first became necessary during the boy's circumcision, which was sort of a late decision. I can't easily tell you how I came to the decision of getting the procedure done but I stomached it. The nurse gave Jackson a pacifier with sugar water to calm him, and it had a good effect. I told my wife that if I had seen the procedure prior to making the decision, I probably would have gone the other way. I wasn't disgusted but it just really seemed unnecessary. Oh well, he can replace it when he gets older if he wants...

But along with "screamer" our boy's also gotten tagged with the label of "sucker," hence our continued use of the pacifier. We knew he couldn't use my wife's nipples to pacify whenever he wanted so we gave it a try with some success. He hasn't lost his early ability to latch, so we're pleased, and we try our best to limit the pacifier use.

In later posts, now that the "in-waiting" tag of my blog sub-head is no longer necessary, I'd like to explore my feelings about this new chapter of our lives. I've found myself being much more affectionate towards the boy than I thought I would, and surprisingly comfortable with him in my arms. I can't get over how easily my wife has taken to motherhood, though I've known she would be since we got married. She's already able to multi-task effortlessly. Sometimes I feel I'm not doing enough when stacked up against her efforts in breastfeeding the boy. So I try and help out by making sure she has water to drink, changing Jack's diapers every chance I get, keeping the changing table ready to go, cooking meals, and other household chores. Last night I went to the store for some dinner items and ended up getting 10 times as many items on my list, just so we'd have things to eat that we'd both enjoy (Ben & Jerry's FroYo, e.g.). I still won't feel I'm doing enough compared to what she's gone through over the past nine months, and especially over the last few days but I hope I'm building a good foundation to build upon a strong fatherhood and marriage.

Mad at Dad? Look in the Mirror

2009-01-30T08:48:00.000-08:00

There's a rather long essay on Parenting.com where the author talks about her anger at her husband's lack of parenting skills. It's a long, but fascinating read, with statistics about the different angers women seem to have at their children's fathers. Read the story here:

http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/Relationships/Mad-at-Dad

I admit, my first thought was "It's your fault woman," and I know that will be a VERY unpopular stance. This woman seemed surprised at her husband's (and others') behavior, as if they hadn't been living together or married for any time prior to having the child. We get to pick who we have children with, at least you would think so, so it is logical to me that at some point one would ask themselves, "Will this person make a good parent."

The jury is still out on my parenting skills, obviously, since the baby still hasn't been born. I get a lot of "You're going to be a great father" encouragement, but who knows. I feel I have a certain grasp on what may be needed from the both of us, so I will be able to help as much as possible and do my part. According to this story, the way I read it, many women (including the author), might not have known what they were getting into. A selfish person may make for a selfish parent. Some people have very old-fashioned ideas on parenting roles, like the man makes the money while the women stay home to care for the kids, and dinner's done when he gets home. It's incredibly obvious to me that communicating about each parent's expectations PRIOR to the baby being born might be beneficial.

Not until the very last paragraph of the story does the author mention what might help women get over the anger: "The ones we also really need to talk to, however, are our husbands." This was only after suggesting mothers should talk to other moms, to see they are not alone with their anger issues. I'm sorry, but this sounds totally backwards to me. If you just bottle this anger up and not communicate your feelings, nothing good will come of it. I can appreciate the anger, but I can't be too understanding if I don't know you're harboring it.

I've tried to prove to my wife that I'm totally into being a decent parent, really giving it a go. I've had other delusions of grandeur, but I know the stakes are really high this time. I've read my books, paid attention and asked questions at classes, watched DVDs and recorded baby TV shows (Deliver Me is our new favorite), I've tried my best at helping around the house with chores or getting what the wife needs when she is unable (putting on her shoes is funny). If there's anything I'm missing I hope that she knows she only needs to ask, or remind me. Part of what the author writes about, where her husband can't remember certain details about their kids, I can understand. But I don't always know what my wife does or doesn't know, and vice versa, so I'm pretty confident we will communicate about those gaps.

I figured this was still an issue, given how many talk shows on TV still deal with dead-beat dads and the continuing onslaughtof TV "comedies" that have an overweight, oafish dad who is clueless about child rearing (yet somehow married to some hot woman). Whatever happened to the Ward Cleaver's of the world? Mike Brady hired help for Carol but they still have tiffs that resulted (tidily) in communication and resolution. Where are those characters today? If that's where people get role models (heaven help us), then a decent portrayal of good fathering would be nice. For every Cliff Huxtable or Race Bannon, we're stuck with a Ray Ramano or Peter Griffin instead.

Nobody wins when there's anger in a relationship, especially the kids. One thing I remember a lot of growing up was the hollering my parents did at each others. That was mainly due to their individual stubbornness but probably also due to lack of communication. Did I learn that's how to get a point across? Maybe, and I've taken certain steps to quell that impulse. I"m trying to communicate my feelings now, before there's a dust-up. When we're both sleep-deprived these next several months, that type of behavior will be very important. It seems so obvious to me, but maybe I got lucky in picking who I'm having a child with.

Pacing

2009-01-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

Still in the waiting phase for baby. Now the doctor thinks he may be on time, give or take a day. Or something, who knows...

Wife went to the doctor yesterday and upon exam was able to touch the boy's head (?), meaning her cervix may be dilated about 1 centimeter, I don't know. I feel like I'm quoting my wife but if she was dilated, wouldn't that mean labor would be upon us soon? Anyway, that's what I thought I heard, but in my defense my wife was on the Bluetooth and there's an incredible noise in my office due to reconstruction on the other side of my office wall (literally).

Wife told me last night maybe I should start driving into work starting ASAP, but we agreed on Monday (I take the train). So I bought some parking passes and I'm ready to bolt at a moment's notice. However, my cell phone doesn't get a signal where I work and I'm not always in my office. I've told my unit's clerk to perhaps expect a call from my wife if she has trouble getting in touch with me. I am Bluetooth equipped and have my phone on a nerdy belt clip so I can keep the phone on my person at all times (which I still forget to do sometimes). Now I'm expecting at least one false alarm, and I'm pretty surprised there hasn't been one yet.

I finally got MY hospital bag packed with essentials like jammies and reading materials (no, no more baby books, gag). Also last week I put a few things in my Diaper Dude, the father diaper bag I got from my brother- and sister-in-law. I have the requisite diapers, wipes, blanket and burp cloth. I'll need a change of clothes, too, and I'm sure there are other things I can put in there. The bag isn't as snazzy as the wife's "designer" bag, but does the job and allows me to avoid having to carry hers around.

We will be having music in the labor room, but we're still deciding whether to do video during the birthing. Not the full-on close-up of the crowning and all, but maybe just taking video from a more respectful angle. Our friends have gone over the virtues of filming it, but I still can't figure out if it's for us or not. I liked their idea of filming when we leave the hospital and take him into the house for the first time, so we'll see.

Everyday I get asked if I think my wife's belly is dropping. Seriously I can't tell either way. Her belly is quite large anyway, so there seems to be a natural gravitational pull downward already. Also, can someone assure me that the snoring will go away after baby is born? Please?

Are You Ready

2009-01-15T09:43:00.000-08:00

If the baby were to come today, we'd be ready in the figurative sense (after the shock and awe subsided). On Monday we got the car seats installed by the CHP, who were very helpful and gave a bunch of information. Unfortunately they did not have Erik Estrada's glowing white teeth, but still... We took both cars in and the process went smoothly, even though we had a new style of base they had not yet seen. The CHP figured it out and I feel relatively safe about their installation jobs.

Now we can say we're done with the preparations. The wife's hospital bag is packed, we have diapers and wipes, we did about a dozen loads of laundry to clean all the boy's new and/or hand-me-down clothes, and now can bring him home safely. A newsletter I subscribe to actually helped remind the wife that she needed to bring an outfit to come home in, since I guess the hospital gown wouldn't look smashing in the photos. Admittedly, I still have to pack a bag since our hospital has private rooms and I can stay overnight. In my head I keep saying "I'll do it tonight" so hopefully this is the night the mantra sticks. The other thing I want to do is organize a few of the plugged in items in the nursery, either with a power strip or on outlet expander, then use our new outlet protectors to cover the unused ones.

Speaking of home safety, we attended a lame "class" on the subject the other night. The "teacher" just read off of her PowerPoint slides as we read along to ourselves, adding very little anecdotal or additional tidbits of information. From our readings and other classes it became dull very quickly since we were already pretty versed on the topic. When the teacher gave us a break with 45 minutes to go we grabbed our coats and made like a tree and blew outta there. We know we will have to pick up a lot of stuff around the house in preparation for when the boy starts being mobile, like candle holders, photo frames, our hanging wine glasses on the wine rack, etc. Setting up those chic bumpers for edges doesn't seem fun or attractive but I guess it has to be done (does it?). He's a boy, wouldn't he love just wearing a helmet around the house?

Also, to prepare for time constraints and lack of patience, the wife has begun to make food and put it in the freezer, with more on the way (she started her leave on Monday). Yesterday was split pea soup and lasagna with spinach, mushrooms and ground turkey. We sampled it and I look forward to sleepily re-heating the home-cooked goodies. She also has become quite proficient with a slow cooker, which will allow us to toss a whole bunch of ingredients into the pot and come home to a ready-to-eat meal, with leftovers. Makes me long for more freezer space!

Before I forget or miss the chance to do it more timely, I/we want to give a VERY heartfelt thanks to all the friends and family who have given us incredible support the past several months. We've received entirely too many gifts from you, many we never saw coming, and we cannot thank you enough. The support and advice I've gotten since embarking on this journey has made me more excited and anxious (in a good way) than I would have ever thought possible. I can't say I'm "ready" for the onslaught of (eventually rewarding) work that will hit us the moment our son is born, but I am quite confident that our friends and family will be there to help carry us through it all with love, care and guidance (cookies help, too).

P.S. Feel free to contact me with any "birthing gift" ideas either via the comments section or here. I have some thoughts but would like to know if it's cheesey or not... Thanks!

Going Poor to Become Richer

2009-01-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Here's an interesting/heartbreaking/happy-ending tale of a family who made themselves "poor" to help their disabled daughter get the proper care that the parents' combined incomes and insurance couldn't or wouldn't provide. Something seems to be wrong with the system...

http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=77047

The Final Countdown (cue keyboards)

2009-01-07T11:02:00.000-08:00

We're in the "final throes, if you will," as not-soon-enough-to-be-former Vice President Richard "Dick" Cheney once (in)famously said, and entering the last weeks of pregnancy. It's now 35.5 weeks and my wife's belly looks like it's read to burst. She looks great as she's all belly, though the little guy inside is making normal things even more difficult for her in these final few weeks. It's to be expected, of course, but the reality is always more difficult than what the stories may foretell.

Yesterday, the wife and sis-in-law went to the OB/GYN to get an ultrasound of the boy since last week the doctor had concerns that he may be getting too big and labor would possibly have to be induced. It seems some fears were allayed as the ultrasound showed him to be about SIX pounds (though the margin of error is an amazing +/- one lb.). So he could be seven or five pounds, but gauging by even my poor eyesight, I'd have to err on the + side!

All his parts seem to be intact, and no cleft palate was seen (which I didn't know could be determined in utero). He is definitely a boy, since the wife got a glimpse of his Balzac (inside joke), which she thought looked rather large. I can't claim responsibility for that, really, it's supposed to be common in babies. The ultrasound photos she got showed him looking right at the camera and you could see his little open mouth. He really looked a lot more "normal" than in other ultrasounds, though I was still looking mainly at his skull. We now know how he's situated inside so when we feel him thrust or parry we know what parts he's moving. It's all pretty cool stuff...!

I'm definitely getting antsy to start this journey. I think about the whole thing all the time and find myself daydreaming about scenarios with my son (though when I picture him in my head I see the kid version of me, for some reason. Any Freuds care to take on that?). We seem to be as prepared as we're going to get, except for the obvious onslaughts that come which we have no/little experience with, such as sleep deprivation and changing our entire lifestyle. I have grand illusions of trying to do things "differently" though I'm sure the boy will have a monkey wrench or two to toss into those plans. The idea of letting a baby sleep in a car seat, for example, goes against most of what I've read, but I know it's been successful and you have to go with what works, so I'm told. I also know kids love to run around in their Halloween costumes in April, say, though I abhor the idea. So while I'd love to re-write the "book" I will probably ending caving or being the "pushover" my wife thinks I will be (to her bad cop, haha).

So the nerves, anxiety, excitement and worrying has started to kick it up a notch. It's all for the good, though, and I welcome it. Bring it on?!

Ho Ho Etc

2008-12-24T09:39:00.000-08:00

Daddy and Mommy in Waiting would like to wish all our readers, near and far, a very Merry Christmas. For our friends trying to travel in the air, we hope you get your flights soon and arrive safely (and with your bags).

Having a child has given me a little more "Christmas Spirit" than usual. Not sure if I would call it "jolly" but for some reason I can stomach it all a bit more than recent years. The more kids I see around and the more of our friends' kids I spend time with, the more "Real" it all gets, which I see as a good thing. Makes me wish next Christmas was already here and we can watch our little guy drooling or trying to rip open his gifts under the tree.

The other night we went to see some friends who had a baby girl about a week ago. Holding her at that size and feeling the weight helped me get a feel for our guy (though at his current size in the belly, he will probably not be as small as this little girl was, haha). But watching her move around and make little faces, then wake up crying because of likely hunger, was the closest I've felt to "this is how it will be." That includes the red eyes the father had from lack of sleep, so I'm not delusional!

Last weekend we had an 7.5-hour Birthing Seminar. We could have taken the class split up into more sections but it would have been during the week, making it tougher to attend easily. As much as I've thirsted for knowledge, the class was sort of a let down. From all our reading we knew most of the information (not to brag). The breast-feeding class the week before was more informative, though I was definitely apprehensive going to it (I thought I would be the only guy there; I was not). I guess it's good we went to them, but I think we felt there would be more eye-opening news about what's to come. Maybe we will take some post-birth classes, like baby massage, feeding, bathing, etc.

So, again, thank you for reading my blog so far. I've received great and encouraging comments and can't wait to read more. Have a happy and healthy holiday!

Not So Bright

2008-12-17T13:21:00.000-08:00

Another "human" who lofted his ignorance onto his poor child, naming his son Adolf Hitler Campbell. In this story he acts incredulous, not sure why people would react negatively to his amazing decision making skills.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hNXg5FqcqZg1KUgf6PNrmnRRk-4wD95490680

Long Time No Blog

2008-12-08T10:51:00.000-08:00

Wow, I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. For the first time in a while, I've been busy at work because my office and computer lab was being consolidated and moved, so my usual ability to blog from work was being used up (imagine that). I/we hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and are feeling healthy and happy during this holiday season.

Our baby boy is doing well, as is momma. She thinks she's the largest pregnant woman ever though I think she looks great and is wearing the pregnancy well. She's definitely not any bigger than a normal pregnant woman should be at this stage, but it's just something she's obviously not used to seeing. It's getting a little hard for her to get around comfortably, and her back bothers her often. Also heartburn has been a bother, as has hip pain from sleeping on her side(s) all the time. But all in all, she's happy and healthy, albeit a bit worried about being able to deliver a baby she perceives as being huge!

I've been continuing my reading and preparing for the big day. I read a baby "Owner's Manual" that a friend gave me at my Boy's BBQ last month. Though the book was written sort of tongue-in-cheek and like a computer manual, it contained a ton of useful information on caring for a new baby, and should come in handy for reference material. I finished reading the book on colic but still pray our baby doesn't get affected by it. Even with all the tips and tricks I learned on relieving colic, it doesn't sound like a fun ride. On a recommendation, I'm now reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. This book explains how children sleep and gives instructions on recognizing sleep signs and how lack of sleep negatively effects children. I now feel some of the fussiness and crankiness I see in many children may be just due to lack of sleep. Parents like to believe that sleep from a skipped nap or from being kept up later can be made up at night. According to the book that might work once in a while because of a special occasion, but continuing the habits of skipping sleep will only produce an unhappy, overtired child.

I mentioned to my wife one tip from the book that Dr. Weissbluth gave to a client regarding putting the baby to sleep at least an hour before the usual sleep time (around 6:00PM). The child ended up sleeping several hours and was very alert and happy during the day, as well as taking normal naps. While we both agree on the importance of sleep and having a happy, healthy child, we also would be disappointed if we could not spend much quality time with our little guy after work. By the time we both got home from work it would be time to start the sleep routine of feed, bath, massage, then crib, at best. So we will have to see how things work out with him and his sleep habits.

This past weekend began the slate of baby classes we're signed up to attend. I attended the Dad's Birth Support class a couple weeks ago, and on Saturday we both went to a two-hour infant CPR class. The last time I took CPR was at least 20 years ago while in the Boy Scouts. Only a couple details of the process had changed, and I even got "certified." We both agreed that it would be tough to have to perform CPR on our own child. At least now we know the steps to take if a child is choking or has gone unconscious, as difficult as it might be.

Our next classes are regarding breast feeding (which I have to attend, for some reason; I hope I'm not the only guy there) and the big class on the whole birthing process. In a book I was reading last night before bed it was mentioned that many of these classes aren't being completely open about how much pain is involved during birth. I don't know if that's due to our society's reliance on pain drugs, or they just don't want to scare women, which often makes it more difficult to deliver. I know the wife is worried about her pain threshold, but is very open-minded when it comes to the pain drugs. She told her doctor the other day that she would surely listen to recommendations, even if it meant delivering via C-Section (especially in the interest of the baby, of course).

So I guess we're in the home stretch, the 31st week. The nursery is pretty much done and even decorated. We have clothes, diapers, a very large box of wipes, bottles, bibs, onesies and a Manchester United knit hat. We are even 99% sure on a first name (no, we aren't going to tell you, hehe). Mentally I'm prepared, I'm well read, I'm excited. Should I worry? ; )

Shower Time

2008-11-19T12:28:00.001-08:00

Due to the impending holiday season (Xmas shopping starts before Halloween now, according to stores, it seems), travel and the timing of our due date, my wife thought it best to have her shower the other weekend. Instead of having a suggested "co-ed" shower with the men around, we decided an even more fun (funner?) idea might be to have a Boy's BBQ at a separate location. So while the women gathered to do the girlie thing, the guys came around (after dutifully dropping of the S.O.'s first, natch) for some beer, BBQ and camaraderie.

Both events had a great turnout -- over 20 attendees at each plus some kids. The men had a bounty of appetizers to choose from, as well as three different kinds of burgers to nosh on (beef, turkey and elk!). The women enjoyed a really nice cake that was decorated perfectly for the event with all sorts of baby related pieces on top of the frosting. For both meals there was a lot of homemade food and a ton of effort put in by all sorts of people, all of which we cannot thank enough. The hosts of the parties took great pains to make it all memorable and we are really appreciative.

The guys' gathering had a pool going on a big calendar where they could pay $5 to choose a date of when the baby will arrive. My father-in-law came up with the idea; I suggested it to my wife when she was creating the calendar, but she shot it down. When I got to the host house the decision was changed to make it "more interesting," and how could I say no? Half of the winnings would go to the person who chose correctly and the other half to the baby's college fund. A lot of the guys got involved, making it a great conversation piece. There was also a guessing game to figure out how many peanut M&M's were in a baby bottle, as well as little cards where the guys could write messages to the baby-to-be. I believe the women had similar games going, but didn't take the plunge to "enrich" the due-date pool.

After eating it was trivia time, with a list of questions the wife and her sister came up with, all involving the baby and its inception. We haven't told anyone the name yet (and it's still not 100% agreed upon anyway) but we have given out the middle name, so that was one question. Most of the men got it wrong, not to mention a lot of the women (including family, haha). Other questions included how I was told of the pregnancy (the "positive" pee stick being tossed in my lap) and how many cousins our kid will have (four). My father-in-law, with the help of insider information, I'm sure, was the winner of a Starbucks gift card for getting nine answers correct, out of about 14.

When my wife got home, she arrived with two other cars full of gifts. Apparently it took about two hours, with an intermission to catch her breath, to open all the gifts. There were a few duplicates (and a triplicate) of gifts but it was all sorts of stuff we needed. The nice comfy nursery we had created was literally filled with bags and boxes in minutes. If there was a baby in the room it surely would have been lost or tossed out with the recycling (or returned if there was a gift receipt, har har). The generosity of our friends and family was pretty overwhelming and beyond our wildest expectations. You'd think people were REALLY waiting for this to happen!

Again, we both had such a great time at our respective "showers" that we simply cannot thank everyone enough. I highly recommend doing the double party, as it gives everyone a chance to be involved in the pregnancy/birth that little bit more. Thank you!

No Labels Please

2008-11-14T10:44:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a parenting book called ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT. The subtitle is "The Revolutionary Approach to Raising You Kids by Keeping Your Cool." It's a book with a startling premise (among other ideas): Your life does NOT revolve around your children. It helps us keep a space (figuratively) between us and our kids to help them become more independent and self-sufficient while learning to deal with challenges before parents swoop in and "save the day." Also, the book purports to help parents "learn to calm your emotional reactions and focus on your own behavior more than your kids' behavior...for their benefit." I know, crazy stuff, right?

There are methods in the book to help turn around certain situations that arise and put the responsibility back to the child to get them to try and deal with it, making it more of a learning experience. For instance, when a child says the cliche' "Are we there yet?" we may start to get angry or retort anxiously with a "We just left!!" or "There are still two hours to go" which invariably leads to the response, "Two more hours?!?! Oh noooo!" This response would lead to more anxiety and more back and forth that gets you nowhere. A ScreamFree response, according to Runkel, might be the following: "Wow, you're already asking that question? You must really not want to be in the car today." (Empathy) "Come to think of it, I don't want to be in the car either. And I really don't want to be in the car for a whole two hours more either. I think I want to be out of the car more than you do! What do you think?" By joining with your child, you can commiserate together (and actually have a fun time doing it).

Interactions like this lead to mutual respect between you and the child. If you can create an environment of mutual respect, your child is more likely to want to approach you with problems or other issues. If your child feels you will only react negatively or anxiously when they come to you with an issue, they are surely less like to do so and instead hide things from you or let the situation fester (and possibly get worse). Lording over our children (or hovering), trying to get them to make us feel good about ourselves by "behaving" will only create a great actor, not a dutiful child. We want our children to behave because THEY want to, not just because they know we will leave them alone if they do. That's just a robot.

The part of the book that I've gone over most recently deals with labeling the children. Most labels seem harmless or even sound beneficial (gifted, funny, skinny, the star, athletic), while others produce a negative connotation (a little slow, big-boned, the black sheep). Putting a child into one or more of these "categories" can lead to disappointment if the child doesn't "live up" to the high expectations. Conversely, a child with a "negative" label may leave an impression of the child that could stick for years, even if the label proves correct in some way. So when granny says "I knew he would grow up to be a troublemaker" or Aunt Mable says "he has a temper like his father," they must be prophets. Like Runkel says in the book, the scientific community has yet to determine whether there are genetic determinants on whether our children carry behaviors in their DNA (so the behaviors are learned from people, not born into them). So how can our family know this?

What if our child doesn't want to be funny because everyone says "she's so funny"? Or your son fails a test though "he's the smart one"? Then what? Because of this box the child is put in there will be this pressure to perform, or even under-perform. We are forgetting that children change all the time and have moods just like adults. A troublemaker today does not necessarily make one in 10 years, just like the athletic kid now will not change his mind about sports and get into music, for instance.

Also, when we say our child is "always" something or "never" does this or that, we put unnecessary pressure on him/her. They may be being dramatic discussing how unfair chores are, but telling them "you're always so dramatic" is harsh and most likely untrue. Runkel suggests changing our vocabulary to "can be" which is a lot more forgiving. Try saying "You can be really dramatic at times, but I remember how it was when I was twelve, so I know how you must feel." This empathy shows your child that you acknowledge their feelings, but you are not upset about it. You and everyone will be able to look at your child in a much more positive way, and your child is not pegged into yet another category. Try it!

My wife likes to think our son will be a "momma's boy" which now frightens me (I'm half joking). While I hope he loves her to no end, the connotation of the label de-masculinizes him (is that a word?) or makes him less of an individual. Again, we see these labels as harmless because they've been bandied about for so long. What adult do you know that's still called a "momma's boy" and you see it as a good thing?

Wasn't Norman Bates, from the Psycho films, a momma's boy? I'm just sayin'...

Three Ell Bees

2008-11-07T10:29:00.001-08:00

Yesterday my wife went to a check-up at her doctor's office to make sure all was well with her and the incubating boy inside. All is going according to plan, but while I don't think there's a concrete way to measure, the doctor said our boy is about THREE POUNDS. The wife is almost at 27 weeks now, but the doctor still said our boy was "above average" haha. I told him (through the tummy) that he can still put on a few more pounds, but that I hoped his head wouldn't get too overly big since he has to squeeze out of mommy somewhat comfortably. He is going to be pissed off enough getting squeezed out of his comfy warm environment, so if he gets TOO big he'll have to be (literally) sucked out of there. Then he gets the cone-head and will look silly in all the initial photos, and who wants that?

Kidding about the last part... ;)

Charitable Kids

2008-11-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

Here's a great story about teaching children, even from an early age, the benefits of charity and giving. During the election campaign season I saw a couple stories involving children raising money for one of the presidential candidates (prompted or not by the parents, who knows). The usual idea is a lemonade stand but I think I saw one of a little girl who sold cookies, too.

http://razoo.com/articles/Raising_A_Charitable_Child

I don't remember how charitable my parents were when I was growing up. If they gave, it was to our church during the "offering" or the thousands of hours both my parents gave in service to the Boy Scouts for me and my brothers. As far as other philanthropy, I'm not sure.

Out of guilt or the unnerving ability to say "No" I have given to a few charities over the years, as well as a few presidential campaigns. My wife and I also support the arts by being members of an art gallery or two. Our names aren't on any buildings or walls, but it's nice to help these organizations get support to survive (and reap a benefit or two ourselves). But I have yet to figuratively "put my money where my mouth is" and give more of my time to causes I see as just. For instance, I find the injustice of poverty compelling and quickly joined John Edwards' Half in Ten campaign (pre-infidelity news, haha). http://halfinten.org/

Thing is, I've never been to a soup kitchen or any group that is helping stamp out poverty, or any cause, for that matter. I've never gone to talk to the elderly or volunteered at a food bank. So, while I feel for certain causes I have yet to really CONTRIBUTE to a worthy cause. Reading the kid's charity story got me thinking, however, that it is never too late to get into the game, as well as teaching our youth how important it is to realize there are people all over the country and the world who have it much harder than us. I hope to use the birth of our son to get involved together and help those in need and foster a culture of giving.

With this week's major event in our country (a new and progressive President), not to mention the conditions our faltering economy are creating, now is a great and much-needed time to give.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T10:52:00.001-07:00

This "holiday" is for kids, in my opinion, like Christmas and Flag Day (kidding). Many of the adults who celebrate this day scare the dickens out of me, whatever "dickens" entails. I think it gives those adults a reason to act/dress as they wish they could everyday.

Kids, however, are very cute with their costumes and all. The excitement they build up about the impending CANDY is hilarious, at least until you make them go to a door and ask for it. It's something I surely look forward to with the boy. I'm sure I'll go too far in trying to think of ironic or less-kid-appropriate costumes, but that's just part of the fun. "Dad, who's Ross Perot, and why do I have to dress like him and not a Power Ranger?"

Anyway, to you and yours, Happy Halloween!

P.S. Picture is from the real deal. He has his mom's smile, haha...

Sick-O

2008-10-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

Starting last week, after returning from my trip, I've been feeling pretty lousy. What started off as a sore throat now has turned into a cold with a stuffy nose and a lot of lethargy. It has soured my mood and made me a pain to be around at times. I guess it gave me writer's block, too, since this is my first post in about a week.

I've been starting to wonder: How does one who is ill and not feeling "up to it" take care of a baby/child who needs me to be at the ready 24/7? Everything I've been reading has ignored this situation, and given the penchant for kids getting sick from other kids and/or day care, etc., it seems to be an important issue.

I don't know what I did to get my current cold except the plane ride. From what I remember, there wasn't a lot of coughing/sneezing but obviously there are germs everywhere on a plane. My doctor told me a new strain of flu was going around (as I was getting my flu shot), which is also bothersome, but I haven't seen anyone at work who was ailing. I guess it doesn't matter; I have it and now I need to recuperate.

My wife says I'm a big baby when I'm sick, which is probably true. I told her last night I just get so disappointed that I'm illin' and it really makes me upset. So I act out and get really moody, which I know isn't fun. But today was the realization (finally) that a little person will be coming soon who will depend on me/us and I will have to get over myself and take care of him. I've been so self-centered for so long that it will a slap in the face when the reality hits. I look forward to it, actually, because I believe I will finally be able to feel some compassion and show some emotion towards something other than my own interests.

So please let me know how YOU coped with feeling down, out, sick, hurt, pissed, pooped, etc., and putting that aside to care for your needy child. Did you sweep it under the rug? Were you truthful to your older kids about how you feel or did you say you were okay, that nothing was wrong? How did you find time to care for yourself?

Daddy Baby-moon

2008-10-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

On Sunday afternoon I got back from a trip to see my best friend in the pacific northwest. His wife was away with our godson so he had the house to himself. He suggested I come up to help celebrate my birthday and the timing worked out well. I considered this my own little "babymoon" and it was fun to get away.

The odd part of the trip for was how the topics of our conversation have changed since his son was born and now that I will be a father, too. It became almost a teacher/student thing since I had quite a few questions about what he has gone through or what I might expect. We used to spend a ton of time talking about "Seinfeld," music or films, but this weekend it was strollers, sleeping sacks and his son's recent trip to the ER. On Friday we invited two other guys out with us, one having a baby only a month or two before. Sitting at a bar with music blaring talking about babies is quite hilarious, looking back on it now.

My new nagging question is regarding when to take my wife to the hospital for the big moment. My friend's situation was a bit different due to certain complications, but it seems the story is the same: it comes down to contractions. My favorite comment was "It's not how it is in the movies," which was actually sort of eye-opening. Not that I thought we'd be in a taxi cab driven by John Travolta but I did imagine the water breaking and me grabbing the pre-packed suitcase and speeding to the hospital. Then a cop would pull us over and realize what was happening and give us a police escort straight to the door. Apparently it's not that simple...

It was good to get away, but good to be home. It was tough not thinking a lot of the little guy, even though he's not yet born. Also I worried about my wife since her personality doesn't allow her to take it easy (though I think the fact she needs to is fast approaching). While shopping around my friend's town I found myself looking for stuff for the kid, even getting him a little sweatsuit from American Apparel! I wanted to buy myself a wallet but opted to get him something instead, wow. I don't have a problem shifting my budget to caring for him, of course, but making the shift this early sort of surprised me (but felt good anyway).

I doubt another trip like this is in the cards for me. Any other trip would have to involve the wife but with the holidays fast approaching who knows if it is a reality. We're working on something for the week after Christmas but we do have to consider her state when it comes to options. Flying is out, and the doctor told us even the high altitudes where we snowboard is probably not a good idea, either. But it doesn't matter; I just want her and my little man close by from now on...

Kickin' It

2008-10-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

My wife has been going on and on the past few weeks about having the ability to feel the baby moving around inside her tummy. For at least two weeks she has been trying to get me to feel the punches or kicks with her, though I've been skeptical since it's still early and we've been told the placenta is stuck in the front. To appease her I half-heartedly hold the belly in the area she feels it, but alas, I don't get the same pleasure.

I look forward to the day when I can see her tummy move from the baby's kicks, punches and shifting. I feel that then I will finally be able to more closely connect with him and be more confident he can hear me, etc. (Yes, I know he can hear me now...)

So last night when the wife told me to feel her tummy again for movement inside I went along with it. After a few seconds, the moment finally came: I FELT HIM MOVE, finally! It was a fairly solid thrust which surprised me, and a lighter one followed. I waited anxiously for another but I guess he tired himself out with the previous flurry. I admit it was a cool sensation...

Now I'm not sure this means I will rush to put my hand on her tummy every time she feels him squirm, but I do look forward to copping a feel during bed time, kind of a "good night" tap from the boy ; )

Please Be Kidding

2008-10-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

Yet another reason people should also need a license to have a baby:

Carter County man surprises wife, names baby Sarah McCain Palin

I love being cynical (those who know me can attest to that) but I can't comfortably put into words how this stuff makes me feel. Maybe as a gag, however, I can find a fake Birth Certificate and come up with some ridiculous name to shock the wife (and get my name in the paper), like "Sarah McCain Palin." It's the craziest name I could think of!

Source story here: http://www.timesnews.net/article.php?id=9008551

Follow-up story is just as funny/sad: http://www.timesnews.net/article.php?id=9008563

Hospital Tour

2008-10-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow night the wife and I will be taking a tour of the birthing area in the hospital where she will deliver the baby. Tomorrow is also my birthday, so naturally this is the best way to spend it, haha. My wife asked me yesterday where I might like to go out to dinner for my birthday and I reminded her the tour would take up two hours of prime time so we will have to rush home then grab a quick bite to eat. It might not be fast food, but it will have to be fast...

I'm not complaining. I'd much rather learn about where we will be going for the birth than eating too much food in an over-priced restaurant, celebrating a "non-important" year like a 40th or whatever (which is too-fast approaching anyway). I hope the tour will be really informative, especially since it will be almost two hours long. How big can the place be?

This will be, for me, another one of those steps that should help prepare me for the big day. I'll be able to picture where to go and what it might look like during the delivery. Like with all my reading, I'd really not like to be surprised by anything to avoid freaking out (and/or freaking out my wife in the process). If/when I have to rush her to the hospital I want to know where I can park, what desk to go to first, where family can wait, where I might be standing helping the wife push and breathe, where our little boy will be cleaned up and then cared for afterward. I'll have to remember to ask if I can shower there, make phone calls, sleep, etc. It would be great if my wife had her own room so I wouldn't have to worry about using the loo or shower, so we'll see.

I guess there are worse ways to spend a birthday. I'll celebrate properly over the weekend with friends and family anyway, so I'm not missing out. I got a nice gift already from the wife, too. I'll really be looking forward to next year's holidays though, since we'll be able to spend them with our new little guy, and create some new traditions of our own.

No More BPA

2008-10-13T10:18:00.001-07:00

For people like my wife, this news will be most welcome:

"States ask baby product companies to avoid BPA"

Though the states in question here are three back east, it's likely others states will soon follow suit if there's widespread agreement by the baby companies. Some companies have already begun producing non-BPA products, and store like Babies R Us are carrying them. It makes too much sense for these companies to see the research and not connect the dots. If they can produce BPA-free products that are proven safe, these companies and stores, not to mention nervous parents, will all win in the long run.

Source story here: http://www.mercurynews.com/breakingnews/ci_10710020

Nebraska, please!

2008-10-10T10:27:00.000-07:00

From the "Where Did Things All Go Wrong" file, here's a story from Nebraska that shows you can't send your kids back where they came from but you can just get rid of them. Parents are using a law intended to avoid the horrific practice of "dumpster-dumping" babies (and hand them off to a hospital instead) and are dropping off their unmanageable teenagers.

Blog post:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?&entry_id=31295&type=moms

Source article:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/10/03/MNDC13ALAM.DTL&hw=drop+off+baby+law&sn=002&sc=672

I'd love to editorialize here but I think the story and the people involved in this situation speak for themselves.

Oh No, a Political Post

2008-10-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

As much as I'd like I try to avoid obvious political takes while writing this blog. The election is very close upon us and the differences between the two major party candidates is fairly great (for better or worse). With the economy taking over most Americans' thoughts recently, my wife and I are a little worried about our financial future given corporate cut-backs and layoffs, as well as a new baby coming in a few months. If one of us lost our jobs, the biggest hit would come from our potential loss in health care benefits.

The two plans posed by the presidential candidates is very different, and both have potential problems associated with the implementation of such plans. Barack Obama's plan calls for only subtle changes in the current health care system, especially for those who enjoy their current benefit program. It will work with employers and insurance companies to lower premiums, saving Americans up to $2,500 a year. For those who would like a different option or have no current benefits, an Obama administration will "establish a National Health Insurance Exchange with a range of private insurance options as well as a new public plan based on benefits available to members of Congress that will allow individuals and small businesses to buy affordable health coverage." (See the plan here: http://www.barackobama.com/issues/healthcare/)

This plan will cost money, of course, a major sticking point made by Obama's opponent John McCain. But imagine the money that could be brought into government coffers if the administration stopped one of our wars and collected the proper taxes from corporations while closing tax loopholes. All of which is part of Obama's plan, as well as only raising taxes on those earning over $250K a year. Some may call this socialist, like it's a terrible thing, but where "health care for all" is implemented around the world, it seems to work. A healthy electorate is one that has money to earn and spend to help keep our economy growing.

The McCain plain is much different. He announced this week plans this week for reductions in Medicare and Medicaid, two important social programs that provide health care to the elderly, poor and handicapped (my father falling into at least one of those categories). Independent analysts estimate this idea could result in cuts of $1.3 trillion over 10 years to the government programs. (Read about it here: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122315505846605217.html)

But the hallmark of McCain's health care plan is to give individuals $2,500 and families $5,000 in tax credit toward insurance premiums. The fine print, which Obama enjoys reading for us to dig at McCain's plan, is that McCain will tax your health benefits through your employer. Just like paying for social security and other taxes, you will see a new line on your pay stub taking money out for health care. So you will, in essence, be taxed for the tax credit you'd receive for health care. The worry with this plan is if you lose your job and health care benefits. Apparently the average health care costs for a family per year is over $12,000. That means you have to make up the difference after spending your $5K.

Both plans have obvious faults and consequences, and I've hardly explained them in detail. It's just something we all need to consider when thinking about the next four-plus years. This is only one piece of the puzzle we need to put together when choosing the right candidate to lead our country. I only hope we all dig a little deeper and find out how these issues will really effect our lives and those of our fellow citizens. Some of us have it pretty good right now, but a lot has happened in the last few weeks that should give us all pause and we need to pay attention.

Please excuse this rant; it's not something I will get into much here but having a child has made me think about an issue like this a little more. My name is Daddy In Waiting and I approve this message.

Be Prepared -- The Motto of a True Scout

2008-10-03T10:13:00.001-07:00

Since the news was literally put in my lap that we were having a baby (by way of the positive home pregnancy test being tossed at me), I've been reading as much material about what's to come as I can get my hands on. Actually, I started reading Neal Pollack's Alternadad in May, a couple weeks before the news hit, as if I knew what was coming. But once the news did come I started reading this sort of material in earnest, needing to know my place and responsibilities in this "journey" of parenthood.

The first book I completed, after Alternadad was Dad's Pregnant, Too, which was a list of tips for expectant fathers on what's to come, how to react, and how to treat the pregnant mother throughout the pregnancy. The bottom line of the book seemed to be: Keep her happy! The more comfortable you can keep the mother of your child, the easier the nine months will go by. While I feel I'm doing an okay job at this, there are parts of pregnancy that still bug me (like the gas, e.g.). But because of the book, I knew it was coming, so I'm thankful (for the book, not the gas).

I enjoyed this book because I knew when my wife felt pains or had other symptoms conducive to pregnancy, I knew not to overreact. I could assure her that she and the baby was more than likely doing fine, and the little things cropping up were all normal. The book also showed and explained what changes the baby was going through, and its amazing development inside her belly. Knowing what to expect, along with going to her doctor appointments, has really put me at ease since all signs point to a healthy baby.

I also signed up for two newsletters from the Parents.com website that also runs through the steps of development, as well as helpful tips for coping with the changing pregnant body (mostly geared towards women, but informative). I often read interesting tidbits that I forward to my wife, or I read things that we have already gotten to or done. This is great because it shows we're staying on top of things and preparing well. At the same time I signed up for the newsletter I started reading dad blogs, trying to get at what my place was in all this, and if the sudden apprehension I was feeling was normal. Realizing there was a large community out there with guys like me was comforting, and prompted me to start this site and share my feelings in the hopes of showing even newer dads that we're all in the same boat. I've learned a ton from these guys and have gotten really good feedback from them about my experiences so far.

At the moment I am kind of in a reading frenzy, reading one book on colic while commuting on the train for work, another book about baby's first year at home, as well as a plethora of baby magazines that are showing up at our house. My wife laughs at me because I try and "steal" the magazines from her before she's even finished with them. Like the newsletters, they are geared towards women, which is a shame given the dad's bigger role in child raising, but often informative. With the help of these magazines, I feel I know better what's out there for babies, like the different choices of baby bottles.

The colic book is really interesting, called The Happiest Baby on the Block, which was recommended by the writer of Dad's Pregnant Too. It's a huge concern to me about getting through those first few months after the birth, trying to get the baby used to being out in the world. Most get through it okay but there's a percentage that have a hard time of it. Reading this book is showing how important it is to make the baby as comfortable and nurtured as possible to avoid colic and create the close bond needed to show we will always be there for him.

I like the baby's first year book (part of the What to Expect When You're Pregnant series) because it goes through the steps to caring for the child properly, like holding, moving, feeding and cleaning. These are skills I never aquired in my life since my family had no babies in it. Only recently, because of my wife's family and our collective friends, have I been exposed to infants and toddlers. I still haven't ever changed a diaper but I feel a lot more comfortable holding and being around children. Handling my own child will be a lot different, I'm sure, but at least I've gotten some exposure and know to just be myself with them.

All this reading has opened my eyes to the world I've entered just by getting my wife pregnant. There's a lot to know but even more to really experience. I won't claim to be an expert of child rearing by the time our son arrives but at least I can say I'm aware of what could happen. I haven't taken most things in my life too seriously, but this I'd like to get right. Of course I know you can get everything from books (or the classes we'll be attending), but being prepared has become very important to me.

I would love to hear some feedback about resources you used before or after birth. At the rate I'm going, I have at least 3-4 more books I can get through!

Sore Thumbs

2008-09-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

Saturday I spent a few hours putting together our new changing table (with drawers) and the baby's convertible crib. I thought it would have taken longer, considering the size of the boxes and number of screws, but overall it wasn't that bad of an ordeal. The stuff looks and feels as advertised: sort of modern and fairly strong, like we may have actually gotten what we paid for (in a good way).

My gripe, and this has been ongoing for some years now, is the tools needed (or not needed) to put together furniture nowadays. I recall "back in the day" seeing furniture put together with a hammer, screwdriver, nails, actual tools. Now, as in the case of the baby furniture, all you need is the provided Allen wrench and maybe a Philips-head screwdriver, at best. It makes thing simplified, I suppose, but it's terrible on the hands, especially fingers. Also, I worry I didn't get some screws put in as tight as I can with Allen wrench like I can with a screwdriver (or the use of a drill with a screwdriver bit). At certain angles it got really tough to turn the wrench and was really a pain since I rarely was able to turn the screws more than a semi-circle at a time. Now the pads of my fingers are killing me...

But it was great to get this accomplished and the "nursery" is really starting to come together with the pieces in place. I know it's early but I just want the room done so I can seal it off for a few months and not have to think about it anymore. I still feel there's more space to be had in our place, even with multiple trips to Goodwill, etc. I think we may need a dresser in the room, as well as a toybox. This would alleviate the need for closet space, I hope, since the status of those in our place: FULL. We haven't even given a ton of thought to the space we'll need in the bathroom for the baby tub and all the stuff that goes with baby bathing. Sigh...

And no, the photo is NOT of our actual nursery. If so, we'd be a little bit more Amy Coe obsessed that we already are! But that is the crib and changing table I put together.

Kickin' It

2008-09-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

The past few days my wife has told me that the boy has been moving around a lot inside her belly. I take this as a good sign, obviously, meaning he's there and checking out his reflexes. I'm really happy he's developing and getting bigger.

I'm still getting the full-court pressure to talk to him (or talk to my wife's belly) but I have hang-ups about the practice. I feel I want to talk to him in there but for some reason still think it's too early for it to make a difference. I guess because I'm not carrying him around I have a bit less of a connection to him so far. Before I leave my wife for the day and before we go to sleep, I rub her belly and say a word or two, but I have not yet been able to read to him or carry on a chat. When considering the steps of pregnancy we would go through together I did picture myself talking to her belly, but in my head she's at like 8 months or so. I know the urge will come on stronger and I will find things to talk about with him. Books tell us to read the paper to him, just so he gets used to the voice, though with our countries current issues, I wouldn't want to scare him!

On a related noted, I asked my wife the other night to not let the heavy book she was reading (yes, a baby book) sit on her belly because I thought it would be pressing onto the little guy inside. Granted, she had the book quite low but while the book was on there the baby moved, and I felt it was trying to make some room for itself since it's womb was being pressed. This caused her to laugh and she tried to assure me it wasn't being crushed. While I tend to agree and I might have been being a bit facetious, I"m still curious if anyone knows more about this. Can pushing on the belly impact (not literally) the baby? Obviously if a woman takes a terrible fall the baby might be affected, but I'm more curious about simple pressing. Anyone have a thought?

Babies 'R Us is Large

2008-09-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday was Babies 'R Us day. We went because we had issues with our crib and changing table ordering, which is another post in itself, practically. Suffice to say, don't trust the "in stock" notation online; order from the store and pick it up there to save shipping costs and headaches.

Anyway, the store is large but thankfully laid out pretty well. I'm not sure how the prices stack up against other box stores offering baby wares, but a lot of the products seemed pretty fair. The depth and breadth of product offerings can be staggering, however. How many brands of "binkies" should we be able to choose from? As a first-time parent, this all felt a bit overwhelming, the plethora of choices we have to make, from bottles and car seats to swaddling blankets and baby monitors. OH, and the mattresses! I couldn't get over how large the mattresses were, and how important coil count is...

We accounted for pretty much everything we need (for now) except for the bottles. We are going to have to do more research on what works well for infants/toddlers, and how glass bottles compare to BPA-free plastic bottles. Also, there's a ton of bottle nipple choices to wade through!

I mentioned the Amy Coe collection at Babies 'R' Us before but here's the crib we chose:
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3046097

We like the more modern design of the crib, as well as the extra storage underneath. The "pecan" color is simple to match with other furniture from different vendors, too.

And this crib set is so cute!
https://www.toysrus.com/product/prodpop.jsp?LargeImageURL=/graphics/product_images/pTRU1-4884679dt.jpg&displayTab=enh&productId=3155401&totCount=0

So now the nursery is coming along rather nicely. We created the space by getting rid of quite a bit of "stuff." The wife has taken over some of the space for her sewing machine, but she's been starting to churn out some great stuff for the baby, like bibs and booties.

Speaking of cute, this product at the store made us laugh out loud, and can only be created for boys: https://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2574751&fromRegistryNumber=43981457&product_skn=805316

The boy looks like he's going to be trying out for catcher on a little league team! We've seen the "Pee Pee Tee Pee" but this is just as funny.

Sleep, Sleeeeepppp

2008-09-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

Every since announcing the pregnancy, people have been giving us the "your life will change" meme, in all sorts of incarnations. "Your life is over," "kids are life-suckers," "kiss your money good-bye," etc. Now, I made up two of those but the point is similar: kids throw a large monkey wrench into the thing you considered a life...forever.

I understand the sincerity of the point, but recently I've been wanting more from the platitudes. Now I want details. How will it change? What new thing will happen to us that hasn't happened millions of times over to others? We are reading the books, getting ready, trying to prepare. "You're never 'ready' to have a baby" is another line we hear all the time. Well, I'd like to disagree. I've done plenty of great things in my life and feel now is a perfect time to start raising a child. But I don't want to just read books about what to expect, I want stories, anecdotes, experiences, nightmares, the whole lot, from real people (you).

Being prepared for what's to come can maybe never be complete, but having a better feel for this big impending change will help a ton to avoid surprises. Things change at any moment, but knowing what most of those "things" might be should come in handy when a decision is needed. This can be regarding the water breaking, the delivery room, cutting the cord, baby car seats, being a man whose wife is breastfeeding, sexual relations after giving birth (sorry in-laws!), and most importantly -- SLEEP. Please let me know how the waking up at any hour of the night REALLY is, not just "value your sleep now while you have it." It's important to me to know the WHY.

I look forward to being inundated with stories. Maybe I'll post some of the better ones!

Part of the Wait is Over

2008-09-15T10:00:00.001-07:00

So we're at the OB-GYN on Friday, where the wife is getting the ultra-sound which will help determine the gender of our baby. The technician asks if that is the plan, do we want to know the sex. We say yes. First, however, he has to go through a litany of measurements and photos, though I suspected he did all that just to keep us in suspense.

We did find out the baby is doing great, and the measurements are all normal for this point in time. We got to hear the heartbeat (which I used as a clue to the kid's gender) and I saw it fluttering away like it should. He showed us the kid's lips, making my wife think (to herself) that the technician was giving us the gender in a rather crude fashion! But alas, it was the mouth's lips...

Finally, after the battery of tests and measurements were completed, the technician blithely says, "Oh, right, you wanted to find out the sex." Again, I think he was secretly pulling our chain. After a few movements of the scope over my wife's belly, I could see the legs pretty clearly and realized we were starting to look up the kid's bum area. Then, even more clearly, I suddenly saw the writing on the wall, and shouted "That's a boy!" even before confirmation from the guy. He saw the same thing I did and agreed, then the wife saw it, too. The baby was on it's back (I guess) with his legs bent but spread wide open, and there was his little twig and berries, with the twig part practically standing at attention for us to take notice.

After we all saw what it was, we asked the tech to go back and see if he could get a picture for us, I guess for bragging rights. When he tried to get into the same position, we saw that the boy had clammed up and lost his bravado. We did end up with a photo, but not nearly as good as the first glimpse.

I think we were both pretty surprised at the outcome. A poll of our family and friends was about equal, but we both thought it might be a girl. When I heard the count for the baby's heartbeat (132) I had a good feeling it was a boy. Traditionally, or so we have read, boys have heartbeats up to 139, whereas girls are 140 or over. It was a lame clue, but hearing the number popped the idea into my head that we could be seeing a boy on the screen.

So far everyone is pleased, of course. Both of our fathers thought it was going to be a boy and they turned out to be right. I told my dad our family name would be carried forth proudly, which may be slightly important since I am pretty much the last/only hope of that happening naturally (besides a brother adopting, I mean). We were excited enough to make a quick trip to the Baby Gap and Gymboree sale racks! We found some cute things, and it just made the whole day's news end on a sweet, thrifty, and happy note.

Boy or Girl?

2008-09-12T10:51:00.001-07:00

We are heading out to another baby appointment today, and the wife will get an ultrasound that MAY determine the gender of our baby (cross your fingers). Apparently the baby has to cooperate and be in a good position to find out, especially at this juncture of the pregnancy (18 2/3 weeks). If the baby's legs are crossed, we might have a difficult time making a proper determination. At the least, we'll get another picture of the growing baby and make sure he/she is coming along well.

The wife and I both agree that we don't have a preference if it's a boy or girl (or, girl or boy for the feminist crowd, haha). When I picture me with a child I have had images of a boy alongside me, as well as daydreams of a little girl holding my hand (please, no pervert comments). So I think I would be comfortable either way. We also have agreed that little boys are sort of terrors when young and grow to be calmer (you hope), while little girls are so sweet when young then grow into teens and the "women issues" start coming into play.

From stories I have heard over the years, including some from both our families, it seems girls and their moms go through some sort of "I hate you" phase and just can't seem eye to eye for a while. This is basically because they are more alike than they care to admit, in my opinion. Eventually they come around, though it might not be for a few years, in some cases, and finally the women start respecting each other. I don't know if boys go through this with their mothers or fathers. Obviously there are differences over the years but I don't recall hearing of any major differences that took such a long time to mend.

My wife LOVES all the clothes available for little girls, while she sees all the boys stuff as similar, like a lot of jeans and shirts. I know she's not seeing having a girl as an accessory, but I worry having a little girl would be rough on the proverbial pocketbook after hearing a lot of "This is SO CUTE" when we are out looking at baby stuff. This doesn't make me want a boy more, but dressing him might be easier.

So I'm really hoping we can learn today what we'll be given in February, boy or girl. It will be nice to decorate for one or the other, and whittling down our baby names list will be a load off my mind. While I enjoy daydreaming about my potential little boy or girl now, being able to focus on one will allow me to map out the kid's first 18 years all in one sitting ;)

To See or Not to See

2008-09-10T10:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I prompted a short discussion about some things I read regarding watching the baby make its initial entry (exit?) into the world from my wife's pootenanny. I was worried that if I left her side to go see the big show, she would feel left out or maybe unsupported, while I was the first between us to see our new kid. I know some places have a mirror set up so the woman can watch, too, and maybe our hospital will have that. It would be a great event to witness together, in my opinion.

From what I read, the experience is something that will stick with you for a lifetime. I'm sure that can be taken a few ways... One, I could see it as the (over)dramatic "miracle of life" and be floored (not literally) by the experience. Two, I could be horrified by seeing how the woman's body changes to allow a child to be birth and forever turned off by the sight of it (even after it returns to its natural, flowery look). Or third, I could be literally floored by seeing the action and pass out.

I'd like to think, as my wife does, that I will want to watch the baby exit. At least for now, I can't see myself getting too grossed out by what is happening to her body to make room for the kid, nor be worried how I'll feel about that area afterward.

I do, however, need to know what I can/should be doing when looking over the doctor's shoulder. Should I be filming or photographing it? I doubt the wife will want photos of that area being put up on the internets for family and friends to gawk at, so that's out. I guess it's just something to behold and relive through storytelling, just like it should be anyway.

Watch Me Get Injured!

2008-09-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday was the first match of my men's adult soccer league season. This is the fourth season (not in a row) I've taken part in this league, which has been around since the late 1970s. It's comprised of men up to a decade (or more) younger and older than me but we all give it a go every Sunday.

One of the guys on the opposing team had his wife there watching along with their young daughter. Over the few years I've been playing I've noticed spouses and kids, parents, and pets watching their loved ones play. Once in a while my wife comes to watch me play (or bring my boots when I forgot them once!), but she has had a running event or her Nike Run Club on Sundays, so the timing often didn't work out.

Upon seeing this little girl, the thought of my wife and new child coming to watch me run around in a futile attempt at glory never found in my earlier life. Obviously he/she will not know what I'm doing (for a while), just the recognition of my kid will be great and inspiring. Maybe it will lead me to my first-ever goal in the league! But I guess that's getting a bit ahead of myself.

Like I said before, I don't want to use my child to re-live the things I couldn't experience when I was younger. But I would like to use my athletic endeavors to perhaps get the child involved in sports. I feel comfortable enough playing all sorts of sports to be able to teach him/her how to throw a baseball, football, shoot a basketball or kick a soccer ball (maybe heading the ball, too, though I'm not a fan of it). These skills won't get the kid elected to public office, but it might lend a hand in some coordination and FUN.

Yesterday I sort of attempted to teach my 1.5 year-old nephew how to throw a ball, like pitching. His idea of throwing is holding the ball up over his head and dropping it off of his head and the ball rolling down his back. I got behind him when he was holding the ball and moved his arm for him in a pitching motion, whipping the ball out of his hand in front of him. He seemed to be pleased with this result so we did it a few more times, but it didn't take. I imagine it will take a few more sessions to see if he's into it. I was pleased with my effort, however, since I never tried to teach a child anything, at least not that young (getting our nieces to use a napkin notwithstanding).

Maybe there's use for me in all this yet...

Baby-robics

2008-09-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the wife (and many other, older women) take part in some aqua-aerobics at our gym. The gym is supposed to have an aqua class for pregnant women but, of course, right after we joined (one reason being this class), the class sort of disappeared from the schedule. It was suggested the regular aqua-aerobics class would do similarly for my wife, so last night was the inaugural voyage into the heated pool to bounce and hopefully not get the incubating baby too seasick inside.

In between my daddy exercises, I went to check out the class (mostly without her knowing, until the end) and saw a lot of bouncing, rotating and the use of the "noodles" for floating. My wife mentioned afterward that she talked to the instructor beforehand to explain her situation, and the instructor was very helpful and would inform her if/when something might be too strenuous for a pregnant women to perform. Wifey was pleased with the class, which pleased me. Side note: she tried roping me into trying this class, but I had caught a glimpse of it when we were signing up for the gym, and I knew I could not hold my head up anywhere in the world had I gotten into that pool to do aqua-aerobics with a class full of older women and a pregnant wife...

Now, I'm not worried that my wife will gain too much weight and I will not be attracted to her pregnant body, thus prompting her to workout to keep the weight gain to a minimum (I got a short glimpse of her after class getting out of the pool and thought she looked really cute with the baby-belly in a bikini!). I am confident she knows that (90% confident). I try not to comment on how much she eats because I understand WHY she needs to eat more, and even more often. Reading books have schooled me on that, which surely helps me keep my foot out of my mouth, for the most part. I do, however, try to limit some of the less healthy choices she might make when satisfying a craving or hunger pangs. I'm sorry, but I don't think pregnancy should be an excuse for women to eat whatever they want and not think this won't impact them or the baby. Yes, I get the need, but if certain things are bad for the baby (wine, raw fish), how good can super-size french fries and milkshakes be? ;)

For me, personally, getting myself back into shape serves several purposes. My parents weren't much older than I am now when I was born but athletics surely weren't part of their lifestyle. I never played catch or ran around with them, and that will be a major part of child rearing for me, so being able to "keep up" with the kid as it gets older is important to me. The past year or more I have sort of "let myself go" and let injuries make me more slothful. Joining the gym, and it being near our place, has been great and I feel more motivated than ever about losing a few pounds (and hopefully the Joe disappearing -- my gut).

I also love the idea, after the baby is born, of baby yoga and other forms of exercise involving the kid. It seems to be a perfect bonding experience for parent/child, and another way for new parents to meet others in the same situation and network. We've already talked about keeping our child involved in athletics for not only the exercise but also the camaraderie with other kids and parents. I'll have to touch upon the 21st Century idea of "everybody wins" in kid's sports for another day, since I think competition is important. But I like the idea of the Little Gym (http://www.thelittlegym.com/) to aid the child develop balance and motor skills. Don't worry, I'm not going to be one of those parents who will try to live my shattered athletic dreams through my kid, hollering at the referees or starting brawls. Though a bad call is a bad call, come on...!

Getting Somewhere(?)

2008-09-02T12:39:00.000-07:00

First off let me say that our first "babymoon" was pretty nice. It's always good getting away and being able to make a mess and not have to clean it up later. The weather was great and our dinner was even better. I said "first" babymoon because we might need at least one more: This one was short and the holiday traffic and crowds made it less desirable had we gone almost any other weekend. That's the one thing we would have changed, the timing of our getaway, but we're not complaining.

We've been busy whittling away and paring down our accumulated mass of stuff to make room for the baby. While no big items have been removed from the office-cum-babyroom, we have gotten a lot of items taking out/off of said furniture. Besides making the furniture lighter to carry, hopefully it means it, too, will be taken out for recycling/donation/sale.

For me, it's still not enough, of course. If we could afford it we would go with one computer, a laptop, that we can anywhere in the place, and be rid of a desk. But then what do we do with all the desk items, the in/out paper holder, the pens, stapler, paperclips? All the things needed for an office, it just accumulated and now still needs a "home" somewhere. It's difficult for me to feel we "need" all this, but somehow maybe we do. Finding the right spot/drawer for it all has been the biggest headache for me.

I can see it all coming together but perhaps later rather than sooner. I know there's still time, but how long will I have my wife to help out before getting too tired or sore. I don't want her to be bending over a lot in a couple more months, nor do I want this to be one more thing on her mind. Again, if it were up to me I'd take out the screen from the window and begin tossing!

To change the subject once more, this is pretty infuriating:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/09/02/BUFK12KEN1.DTL&hw=shrinking+food&sn=002&sc=839

One of my recent pet peeves is companies moving their costs to the consumer to buffer their bottom line. My anger is mostly pointed at oil companies but we are ALL feeling the effects of a weakened economy, and I feel it's totally unfair of large corporations not to help out. I'm sure I'll get lambasted by you MBAs out there, but there's no reason, morally, to not take a few bucks off the bottom line and help out Americans in need. Oh sorry, you only made $32 billion, not $33 billion, silly me!

The Babymoon

2008-08-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not big on the name, but the idea of taking a "babymoon" is one we subscribe to. This is when the expecting couple takes a nice getaway trip before the baby is born. A last "hurrah" before baby makes three and you don't get away from your own town for ages. Most of these trips are closer to home, driveable, so the pregnant mom doesn't have to endure a long flight and has ample opportunities to eat, sleep and pee along the way. So up to two hours away seems to be the norm.

We're taking such a trip this weekend, down the coast a bit. It's only a night, and hopefully not the last trip before February. It will be a good jaunt out of town, to someplace we know, and hopefully an escape from the current heat. Everyone have a safe and fun Labor Day weekend ; )

I would love to hear what you did before your baby was born, too... Leave a comment!

Mean Girls

2008-08-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

I just read a very interesting article/interview regarding girls and being mean. There's an interview with Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes, which was the basis for the 2004 film "Mean Girls."

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?&entry_id=28925&type=moms

The advice seems fairly sound, much better than the "be nice" suggestion many parents might give. While we are taught to "kill them with kindness" (which is a rather harsh way of putting it, actually), I can't see the logic in being overly nice to someone who won't reciprocate. Why not just move on?

I don't readily believe, like some of the comments left at the end of the story, that we learn about being mean from our parents. It's hard for me to imagine a four-year-old learning to exclude people or consider someone bad from a parent. I know kids re-enact things they see their parents doing, or repeats words/phrases, but I don't picture myself (literally) pushing a person in the supermarket because they are a poopyhead.

Making the First Cut

2008-08-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

Wifey asked me the other night if I would be "cutting the cord," which refers to the umbilical cord and not the power cord to my beloved TV. As with so many other aspects of this whole endeavor, this was not something I had yet to think about. I'm still getting used to the wife's hormonal changes and keeping my foot out of my mouth. And now this decision...

I am still trying to picture the whole delivery room scenario in my head. Me getting my hand crunched by the wife as she pushes and breathes a lot is the clearest image so far. The husband of a great couple we like recently told us how he watched his son exit from his wife, and that image sort of tripped me up (not the image of his wife but ME watching MINE!). I'm not really faint of heart, at least that I know of, but mostly movie blood/guts, not the real deal.

So not only now can I possibly watch my child making the grand appearance, but I might be able to cut the umbilical cord afterwards (subject to hospital rules). What does the doctor and staff do with all the $$ charged for this?? Anyway, I will have to pontificate more about these new possibilities. This isn't something my dad endured, I'm sure of it. I guess I can picture myself cutting the cord, though I'll feel like a drunk Mohel at a Bris (look it up, or see Seinfeld): more than a tad nervous about hurting the brand new baby.

Watching the baby being born seems trickier, especially if I am to be the moral support for the wife as she's pushing. Can someone help me with the logistics? I would give it a glance, sure, since I'm not yet positive we can bring in cameras to the festivities, haha.

To Have and To Get Rid Of...

2008-08-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

Getting our place "ready" for the baby might prove more demanding than we originally thought. It shouldn't be so amazing how much stuff you can amass in a fairly short time, but unfortunately it is. We are under the impression a lot of our stuff is actually worth saving, for one reason or another, but after yesterday I feel some tougher decisions are needed so we can create space for our new "roomie."

We've gotten better at weeding out clothing we don't wear anymore and donating it a few times a year, but as far as STUFF goes we seem to be a lot less ready to just "let go" of these possessions. Big things, like furniture (desk, bookcase) are harder to say "We don't need it" but I wish we were in a better way economically to have pieces that matched and/or were better suited for our uses. Smaller things, like many of the books on those bookshelves, can/should/will be dealt with. While there might be certain books that are important to me, like my Kerouac or Kafka collections, many of the unopened "classics" we own probably will stay unopened. Sure, it's nice to have those books, but now with the kid coming I'd much rather use those open spaces for the children's books we're suddenly amassing.

I have a box of cables and wires that baffles my wife but I can't seem to let go of them; the old "just-in-case" factor coming into play. I have to realize that most components now come with their own cables or a new component would be replacing something else and therefore just use the current cable. It's that sort of logic we sometimes lack, but I feel is so needed now that there will be three of us in an apartment.

The big concern I voiced before bed last night wasn't so much the space that would be afforded to us if we got rid of stuff, but that our place is so baby un-friendly. Like our government, maybe if I use the power of FEAR to SCARE us into getting rid of our HARMFUL stuff we will finally part with most of it, haha...

Our Little Coloring Book

2008-08-21T10:29:00.000-07:00

I referred to a quote from the book "Kite Runner" in one of my first posts: "Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them in with your favorite colors." I am finally getting back to it now.

Why can't I? Why can't we instill what we believe what will inspire the child or shape it's views? When 18-year-olds register to vote, most choose the party affiliation of their parents. Many kids remember the music their parents listened to while growing up. So why can't I maybe nudge my child in a few directions I wish mine had shown me before finally finding out for myself?

Of course, finding your own path is part of growing up, but one of the shortcomings of my upbringing was a big lack of guidance. As I got into school and especially college, I had to go it all alone, which was good and bad (mostly bad). I still feel the repercussions now when it comes to motivation and following through. If I do anything, I hope we can instill hard work and the value of doing your best.

Almost as important to me, though, is shaping the cultural values of the child. Music, film, art, are very important in our lives, and their appreciation and understanding will be a major part of the child's upbringing (if I have my say, that is!). I keep hearing how all this kid's music is really enjoyed by them, but I cringe at the thought of the drivel created by Barney, Wiggles, Raffi, et al. Why does it have to be so safe and bland? I don't yet know much about children's film, but I worry about the dumbing-down factor and homogenization to make it palatable to all kids (and/or the parents).

Why can't I/we play fun music for the child that isn't necessarily for kids? There's so much great high-energy music that can get kids moving their little bums without causing us a headache. Any garage rock band will do, but why not classical or jazz, something that creates sounds not usually heard by kids anymore.

So, like calling "shotgun" to get the good seat in the car, I tried calling it to be in charge of the kid's cultural training. It didn't go over well, haha, but I still want to make it a big part of the rearing process. And since this post didn't touch on all the themes I had originally planned, I suppose I will revisit it yet again soon. Stay tuned...

Whatever It Takes

2008-08-20T11:42:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I read this moving story on Salon.com about a divorced mother of three, a woman with an MBA, who had to resort to a soup kitchen and food bank to help feed her family last year. An economy as lousy as ours is right now can effect everyone, and you never know when the bottom can drop out...

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/08/18/heather_ryan/

I'd like to think I could be as strong as she was then, having to swallow her pride, and make those crucial decisions on how to care for my family if times got desperate. I tend to take the things I have in my life for granted, but often worry that the direction our country is going can get worse before it gets better.

I am thankful and calmed by the family that we have around us, and feel we will be well taken care of in the event of an emergency. Again, it takes a ton of courage to take it on the chin and do whatever it takes to feed your family, and I would hope I could not be bothered by "how it looks" if I had to resort to a soup kitchen for a meal.

Do you think you could?

Nothing to Fear

2008-08-19T10:40:00.000-07:00

Until my insides, gritted teeth or other signs inform me (I already bite my nails and have plenty of gray hair), I don't seem to be worried about my impending fatherhood. I know this will change as the months start dropping by and February gets closer, but for now I feel good about the possibilities.

Right now I mainly have to deal with the wife fretting about her daily changing body and the fit of her clothes. I think she looks fine, but of course we all see ourselves differently and more critically. I have my own body issues, so hers on top of it is wearing me down more than the baby (but not in a bad way, I'm being as supportive as patience allows). I made the mistake of mentioning one change I noticed in her body, and trust me, I will NOT be making that error in judgment again...

So I'm staying positive about the whole situation. We will still have to make big decisions, like a name, but that will be part of the fun of it. I'm sure there will be differences of opinion, and that causes me some concern. I don't necessarily want to be the "pushover" some friends (and wife) think I will be because that won't help anyone, especially the kid, but maybe that will make the wife the bad cop, haha.

On a different note, thanks for all the comments you've left recently. Please leave more, and feel free to share my blog with others that are going/have gone through this baby thing. The more educated we are, the more tolerant and comfortable we become with the unknown.

Items We Love So Far

2008-08-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a short list of baby items we've seen and/or bought that we love!

The wife's new baby diaper bag:
www.petuniapicklebottom.com/collections/original/shoulderbags/indiaink/

The bag is "glazed" for easy cleaning, and comes with several pockets and a zip-out baby changing pad. The shoulder strap is shaped so it fits a woman's shoulder and doesn't dig into the arm pits. It is gender neutral so it can be used with a baby boy or girl. Personally, I like it, but wouldn't feel comfortable walking around town with it. Instead, I'll be using this, the Diaper Dude: http://www.diaperdude.com/store/product.php?productid=16207&cat=251&page=1

Great feeding spoon, makes for a perfect gift:
http://www.booninc.com/squirt.html

We love this spoon because it seems to be a bit simpler for feeding and hopefully aids in keeping our place clean (if not the baby). You basically just load it with the baby food and squeeze out the amount you want from the grip into the attached spoon. Simple! We got a couple of them so we can even store some leftover food in it instead of transferring the food back and forth between it and the jar.

Amy Coe items at Babies "R" Us:
http://www.toysrus.com/category/index.jsp?categoryId=3195292

Amy Coe blends modern and classic in affordable and useful products. She has created a bevvy of nursery items from furniture to wall hangings. We love it because a lot of it is gender neutral but would easily blend in with the traditional colors of a boy or girl. She's also extended her collection to apparel and gifts.

We love sleek and modern baby items, but also love classic toys and books. We picked this up at the modern art museum in San Francisco:
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2743403&cp=2639804

I can't wait to read this one to the baby:
http://www.amazon.com/Little-Dino-Finger-Puppet-Book/dp/0811863530

This is from a book series that has little finger puppets attached to the book so as the story rolls along you can "act" as the animal and help keep the child's interest. My wife thinks this is perfect for me since I enjoy (maybe more than the kids) making sound effects and comical voices with stuffed animals, so this should be right up my alley.

And any of these Rockabye Baby albums seem really fun:
http://www.rockabyebabymusic.com/web/page.asp?pgs=products

All your favorite bands are represented in this collection of lullaby music, which takes popular bands' songs and makes them into tunes for babies. From Metallica to Bob Marley, this is a fun way for kids and parents to enjoy lullabies that aren't the same old "classics."

By the way, these are NOT gift ideas for us, ha ha. These are just things we like, as well as my first opportunity to make my blog more informative and highlight products or news that is relevant. Please let me know YOUR favorite baby things, too!

Daddy Blogs

2008-08-13T12:49:00.000-07:00

I was compelled to write this "daddy blog" for a few reasons, namely to have a place to vent and share with you what I/we are going through as we weave our way through pregnancy and into parenthood. Another reason, however, was a story I read about "mommy blogs" and how some women are starting to derive an income from them. Now, I'm not in this to make a buck (though feel free to donate, ha ha), but the article never mentioned daddy blogs.

After reading that story I checked out Neal "Alternadad" Pollack's web site and found he had a listing of other guys blogging their experiences as new or expectant fathers. The more I went into these blogs, the more links I found for other daddy blogs. Most are tongue-in-cheek and humorous, but all are quite informative for various reasons. But knowing there is this community of men taking on the responsibilities of fatherhood in such an open manner comforted me. It's great knowing I can go to these sites to find I might not be all that crazy and definitely not alone.

I quite enjoy writing and felt maybe I could have a say in the process of pregnancy and/or fatherhood, as well. If I had the motivation, writing a memoir about the subject like Pollack's could be fun. So that's why I got into this: joy of writing, the knowledge that I'm surely not alone in this baby endeavor, and the fact that maybe I might help someone down the line someday. Hopefully as time goes on (and allows) my blog will become more informative instead of a diary.

Please take a look at my "partners (dads) in crime" column to discover other daddy blogs and see how other guys are dealing with all this. You might even see my blog listed on some of the sites. Tell them I said hi!

Wait, We Need What Now?

2008-08-11T10:14:00.001-07:00

This weekend we spent some time in San Francisco: saw some art, had some lunch, did a bit of shopping. The weather was nice and we wore ourselves out walking around. I also found out some truths about our baby needs/wants, and the brutal reality of the costs involved.

Let me preface this by saying, Yes, we sort of knew what we were doing when we went into a few baby boutiques up there. I remember reading in Neal "Alternadad" Pollack's book about some baby boutique clothing but unfortunately not until afterwards. So entering these places for me now is like shopping at Neiman-Marcus. But I had an open mind and loved seeing all the cute/fun stuff our baby would either not need or we would use once or twice before the baby outgrew it.

These items include incredibly funny and cute "onesies" with clever phrases on them. Our favorite was "iPood," an obvious play on Apple's iPod. I would have loved to get a dozen of these until we looked at the price tag. Again, this is something that would not be treated well, with spit-up, food and stretching, not to mention the speed with which infants tend to grow and outgrow clothing. But this little article (like the dozens and dozens like it) cost an eye-gouging $32!! That's like a couple bucks per each week the kid will fit into it before getting too big...

Then I was hit with the fact that the "cradle" we received from sis-in-law is different from the "crib" we will need in the baby room. And sadly enough the cradle will only last a couple months before the kid is too big for this too, while the crib can be converted into different beds as the child grows. The boutiques we went into have cribs, sure, but you almost need a loan to purchase them! So not only is the crib a large piece of furniture but the price tag can be larger. Even when factoring in the years this furniture might give you, the initial investment seems rough. And of course the crib DOES NOT come with the friggin' mattress, hahahahahaha!

Thankfully there are places to shop that will put a less-major dent in your pocketbook, and that's where we will be hanging out. I would love to get some feedback/suggestions for baby furniture (keeping in mind the safety and durability, of course).

Oh, right, I forgot to mention the changing table, the crib bedding sets, the models, the books the toys the the the the........

Neuchal Translucency Test

2008-08-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

On Monday we went in for a test of Neuchal Translucency, which is defined as "A pocket of fluid at the back of an embryo's neck visible via ultrasound that, when thickened, may indicate the infant will be born with a congenital heart defect." The pregnant mother gets some blood work, then comes in to get an ultrasound to measure the neck. This test also helps determine if the baby has a chance of Down's Syndrome, as well. It is usually given to women older than my wife, but her doctor didn't think it would hurt to have the peace of mind and get it (except maybe the pocketbook, since it is not covered by insurance -- at least not ours).

We took grandmom to the appointment since she had never witnessed an ultrasound, even though she has three grandkids already! She was pretty excited, as we all were, to get a glimpse of the little kid inside my wife's belly (though my wife and I knew the severity of the test). The technician performing the ultrasound wasn't entirely personable, or easy to understand with his accent, but he knew how to manipulate the baby to get the correct pictures he needed. However, we had the opportunity to record the ultrasound on a DVD, so we brought our own (or pay $20 to use theirs). The nurse warned us the DVD recorder has had trouble recording on DVDs other than theirs, but just told us to make sure it was recording by asking the technician. He assured us it was recording and gave us the DVD when it was over. Not surprisingly, the DVD was friggin' BLANK! We are going to go all Marge Simpson on their proverbial asses and write a letter, goshdarnit!

Anyway, the even less personable but thorough doctor came in and gave us the good news that the blood work and ultrasound show a barely slim chance of our baby having any defects (the test is almost 100% accurate, but still almost). We were pretty pleased about that, of course. I'm not sure what we would decide if we knew there would be a (serious) problem with the baby. The test is performed within the first trimester so if there is any complications, the parents can decide to terminate the pregnancy or not, I guess. I have been a strong pro-choice advocate for as far as I can remember, but after seeing the previous ultrasound and witnessing the baby moving around, I feel a bit different. Not hardened pro-life different, but surely changed. I would never tell a woman she should do this or that, but now I wonder if the "myth" that a baby feels pain during an abortion is true or not.

In any case, it would have been have really difficult to terminate this one since we have told so many people and everyone is so excited for us. Thankfully we do not have to make that painful decision, and so far the pregnancy is going very well.

More Announcments

2008-08-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks can be considered "The Great Unveiling," as we try and give everyone the news of the pregnancy. I'm thinking now that we should have just invited EVERYONE over to our place for that group photo and gotten it out the way then. Instead, we're on a whirlwind tour of friends, trying to think of new less obvious ways to give them the news.

This weekend we told two (more) sets of friends, with like 2-3 couples still left. There hasn't been an order to them, like best to worst friends, it's just worked out this way because my wife wants to tell as many people in person as possible.

The first couple have been friends of my wife's since high school or something. They themselves had a baby boy earlier this year, so it was easy to ask to see them without raising suspicion (they don't live nearby). It was the woman's birthday (and close to my wife's) so we had ample reason to see them. For the big "tell" my wife addressed the birthday card to "Auntie ____" and signed the card from her, me and "baby." Auntie didn't know what to make of it until reading the inside of the card when she reacted with an "ARE YOU??" The couple were extremely happy for us but seeing them eat not even half their meal to tend to their son made me wary, ha ha. But the kid is really good and they are taking to this parenting thing pretty well, making me feel like maybe even we can do this, too.

Next up, later that evening, was another family with a birthday. We met them and their extended family out at a restaurant, but we weren't sure how to break the news, and surely weren't comfortable bringing it up in front of this many people and a 13-year old's birthday party (thus ruining yet another b-day celebration!). So we waited until the party was breaking up and everyone was heading for the door. We told the youngest daughter of the family to "ask your mom if you will be allowed to babysit for us" next year. I'm not sure she immediately got it but went outside to tell her mom. The mother and her sister-in-law figured it out pretty quickly and came rushing in for confirmation. They, too, were pretty excited, as was the extended family (who all know us pretty well). From there it was hugs and congratulations and stuff.

Now we still have to come up with two or three more ways to break the news. Obviously, "By the way, we're expecting" just won't do...!

My Announcement Tactic

2008-07-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

The way I chose to tell my co-workers about the pregnancy was sort of cheap and hands-off. Sure, if someone were to flat out ask me if we were expecting (now), I would tell them Yes. But I chose to be more ironical and post an enlargement of the most recent ultra-sound on my office door, making people sort it out for themselves.

The effect, like our family photo gag, wasn't immediate, of course. The first problem was, when the door is completely opened, the front of it is not easily seen unless you're looking at it. Along with this problem, most of the people entering the room my office is in aren't coming into it looking for me, ha ha. I work with nurses and doctors who have much more important things on their minds (usually), or at worst, come in to grab a handful of M&Ms that have been kept in the room for ages.

It didn't take TOO long for someone to notice, and the first was a young mom who recently had her second child. I'm sure she can recognize an ultra-sound from several doors away. She only needed confirmation from me in person before being able to "spread the news." From there the news has trickled around this week and the well wishes have ensued. It's nice getting the news out instead of fibbing, and now the weekly "How's your wife doing" queries will begin. But that's okay because we are doing pretty well with it all.

Joining the Club

2008-07-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

For the past year or so, before the pregnancy, I/we have been feeling sort of "left out" by some of our friends with children. Now, while some of these feelings are probably partly paranoia, I do believe we were looked at differently because we (still) didn't have kids like them. Some, if not most, of our married friends had kids even though they got married a year or two after we did. We were like a dying breed, the kid-less.

There are obvious reasons why we may have been left out of some situations. People with kids enjoy having other people with kids around because all the kids can play together. Since we don't have any kids, why would we be invited to a kid's play date? I get it!

This week we have started telling our closest friends about the pregnancy, and more than half of them have children. I now feel I am gaining the password to this exclusive club! Soon we will be walking into the Masonic temple in robes and reciting Latin chants, getting indoctrinated into the secret society. Along with this inclusion will be all sorts of sage advice, support and gifts that only having a child could warrant. Now that I think of it, maybe this new club is more like that movie "The Firm" where it's a club that the only way out is to be killed off, haha.

A few of the friends we have not yet told have been our "go-to" single friends without children. There's a gay couple who we always enjoyed because (among many other things) they did not have children and were not burdened by all the scheduling conflicts that will soon arise (except they have dogs, which isn't much different than children, depending on the owners). Then, we had a couple who just last week called us on their "kid-free" weekend because they figured all their other childrened friends would not be available! Little did they know what we already knew, that the hazing period had begun and we would be getting the keys to the secret door...

The Delivery

2008-07-25T10:39:00.000-07:00

The man's role in the delivery room has a come a long way from the smoke-filled waiting rooms of our father's time. I actually like the image of waiting with a bunch of other guys in a similar predicament as mine: "Now what?" Offering each other a cigarette, pacing back and forth (or, in cartoons, creating a hole in the rug from all the pacing), then passing out cigars when the big moment finally arrives.

That hands-off approach went away almost around the same time as smoking in hospitals did. Now waiting rooms can feel almost like a spectator sport, with only a bleacher section missing. The father nowadays is expected in the delivery room, a willing participant in his child's birth. He is there not only as moral support and breathing coach, but gets to witness the baby coming out of the birth canal and cutting the umbilical cord. Maybe in seven month's time I can even circumsize my son (were it to be a boy, obviously)!

Along with my other father-to-be hangups, this new role in the delivery room will surely cause me the stress of performance anxiety. Should I speak, should I cheer, take photos? Apparently I am there at my wife's whim, to be whatever she needs me to be. I think I can do that...

I remember a story about my birth my parents told me long ago. Shortly after I was born (and probably spanked on the bum by the doctor, another relic of birthing past), my father held me up high in his arms (for an inspection of the chassis?). I guess he was pleased to learn the plumbing worked since apparently I promptly peed down on his face!

I look forward to a similar experience with my child, right after passing out the cigars.

The In-Laws

2008-07-23T09:41:00.001-07:00

I have been lucky enough/blessed to marry into a very decent group of in-laws. Amazingly, they seem to really like me, even to the point of using the word "love." I enjoy calling my parents-in-law Mom and Dad or Mutti and Pop. They did a swell job with their daughter (my wife) as well as my sister-in-law and the care of the rest of the family. At least once a month I feel my in-laws (sis, parents, uncle/aunt) do some sort of act of kindness that makes me say "wow" yet again. This comes in the shape of a big food spread, picking us up/dropping off from/to the airport, or just plain volunteering themselves for something no sane person would usually care to do. My wife has this crazy affliction in spades. By crazy I mean I am not afflicted, so it must be crazy to care so much about others, ha ha.

After announcing the pregnancy to the family on Sunday, my sister-in-law seemed to take the news the greatest (not that I viewed it as a contest, mind). She was the first to make my wife cry, which seemed to make more women cry, and even might have choked up Pop (I do not cry at happy moments - yet - I smile). During dinner she told us about all the great stuff we could use that she had for our nephew, who is only a bit more than one year old. I guess we timed things pretty well. This stuff includes a car seat, as well as a lot of other baby furniture I am sure is in decent shape and quality. She even said she wouldn't be offended if we didn't like it and donated the goods to the proper agencies.

I was very impressed by the immediacy of her volunteering these goods, and it will be a huge help, of course. Since then she has expressed her excitement about her impending aunt-hood, and gave my wife the "I'll do ANYTHING you need" line. I hope she knows what she may be in for... ; )

To Day Care or not Day Care

2008-07-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

This saga will invariably go on for some time, fretting over a day care. After talking to my wife more last night about it (and over the course of the day in IM), I now worry the kid will be neglected in a morass of snotty kids and tired, teen-aged caregivers whose cell phone ringtones will be more important than the kids' crying. I picture walking in for a pick-up and seeing full diapers dragging on the floor while the teen minders' poor thumbs are still furiously picking away the details of their new hair color (in lousy shorthand).

I was assured (somewhat) that these places are mostly reputable and one of the centers she likes was voted one the "best" for the area. Thankfully we have a good family support system in the area to help in emergencies and/or pick-ups. Obviously this will work out and the gentle fact that we can even consider day care in this area should assuage my guilt pangs some. Apparently these places are in business to help care for our child and would be quickly blackballed if they were lacking in their main focus.

On a slightly unrelated side note, the first of MY family to respond to our announcement (via card and copy of the ultrasound) was my sister. After one or two lines of congratualtions, the rest of her e-mail was nothing but bad news. My dad is in rehab, and I can only imagine it's for his bad legs/hip/knee; we have no idea since no one told us. And on top of that, her husband's son has passed away from cancer, leaving a pregnant wife behind.

I'm getting a bit tired of cancer and its indiscrimination. My sister made a subtle hint about the circle of life, but the vulnerability of our body to this disease and its blindness to the good things we do or have in our lives is starting to piss me off.

One group down...

2008-07-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday we told the immediate family about the pregnancy. We had a great idea of setting everyone up for a family photo and instead of saying "Cheese" we would have everyone say "(my wife) is pregnant!" After a couple of practice shots, the moment came and...fell sorta flat, haha. No one really got it so the photo I had in my mind of everyone's surprised faces didn't appear. It took a few moments to get them to realize I didn't just want them to parrot what I was saying, but it was actually the truth. Finally, the tears and hugs ensued! It became a nice moment and we even got a decent family photo out of it (not to mention a great dinner made by the wife).

This morning the subject of day care finally came up. The costs are ridiculous so it will be tough. It seems our choices are pretty unlimited, so we just have to find a good location and hopefully get some referrals (after we tell the friends and extended family). We would love a good nanny or family member to watch the baby for a while, but who knows if/how that would happen, or if that would even be a cheaper option. Belt tightening has become the name of the game...

More Room

2008-07-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

Last night was a discussion about what we should maybe register for and what we would need to buy. We don't feel right having our families spending a lot of money on us so I figure we will be shelling out for most of it in the end (though, yeah, we are the parents and it IS our kid). I look forward to being able to style our child in cute clothes and care for it in what I call "Yuppy" baby products. I don't think we'll go overboard and get all the latest gadgets, but some of it might actually be worth it: (http://www.booninc.com/squirt.html).

Sort of on topic: I read a good quote yesterday from the Kite Runner, something like "Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them in with your favorite colors." I might revisit that sentiment soon...

More worrying for me is the space we have to work with in our apartment and the furniture (or lack thereof) we have to use or buy. Yes, we have a 2BR apartment where one room is an office, and yes, we have a second bathroom with a tub. BUT, the office has a large computer desk for her and a small desk for me, as well as various other drawers and shelving, blah blah blah. The 2nd bathroom has a great tub but that is being used to hold our dirty clothes "hampers." Anyway, we talked about the serious need of whittling away at our closets and getting rid of much of the excess baggage. There is plenty of room in the place, we just need to use it accordingly.

So, I guess it's time to start investigating all the new baby goodies to put on a registry: the right car seat for our car(s), the lightest stroller, a convertible crib, swaddling items, and many things I hope have directions/manuals/little assembly required. Might even accept some hand-me-downs, especially those yuppy things I keep laughing at our friends for using ; )

BTW, we haven't even started hunting for day care... Should I be nervous?

Hi there, I'm home...

2008-07-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

Blog Post, number 1:

Hello.

I will attempt to pour out my feelings about my impending fatherhood here, rather than on a therapist's couch (cheaper). My wife and I have not yet told anyone about her pregnancy since the technical twelve-week mark has not come and gone (though we will be informing the family(s) this weekend, which will be the official mark).

I am excited and increasingly nervous about the prospect of father-dom. I will be looking high and far for advice on NOT creating a mini-me, as I do not consider myself an exceptional role model when it comes to certain facets of my life. The old adage of me making a better life for my child than I had will be a major goal. I also worry, though with less trepidation, that my wife and I will differ on ideas for raising our progeny (discipline, food, TV, etc.). We already disagree on one thing: She thinks I will make a great dad and I worry I will be an amalgum of my own parents, who were older and hands-off.

Anyway, I hope this is a start of something _____ (blank to be filled in later, haha)