It is Ni-Ni time, please

It's been a rough week or so, and perhaps rougher (more rough?) the past couple of days. By rough I mean it could be a lot worse, but for us being new parents, the experience of trying to get our son to get quality sleep for long(er) stretches, and at the appropriate times, has been, well, "rough."

The past couple of days/nights we've been trying to ween him out of his cradle and into the crib. Gone is the busy mobile and stuffed animals sharing space in the crib. The bumper is still there but we've discussed doing something with it, as well. All in the name of keeping our son concentrated on falling asleep and not interested in his surroundings. So far, it hasn't yet worked according to plan. We're not sure if he's happy sleeping on his back, though he did okay in the cradle. He sleeps well, however, in his swing and car seat, where he's on an angle. He also sleeps fairly well on his side, but we don't have anything to prop him up, if we even decided to do such a thing. Let's just say it's been a battle, okay?

We're trying to keep a schedule, or at least a routine, but our method has flexibility. He sleeps, feeds when he wakes, has some play time while awake, then goes to sleep again. Every other night we give him a bath to calm him, give him a massage with lotion, then read to him in hushed voices with the lights down before putting him down for sleepy time. At least that's the plan. Either because of gas, colic, or not liking being on his back, the past couple nights he has been really wailing shortly after he goes down. He lulls us into a false sense of security by being "asleep" in our arms only to scream shortly after laying him down.

The other part of the plan is letting him cry a little before rushing into comfort him, trying to get him to self soothe. We've only just started doing this, so we did try to assure him we were always there when he needed us. Now that he's almost two months old (already!) we'd like him to learn to calm himself down when he wakes during sleep. This process definitely isn't easy since our son isn't much of a cryer, but more of a wailer or screamer. His "cry" makes him sound like he's in pain but of course as soon as he's picked up he stops, so we know he's okay (since he doesn't show any signs of being sick or hurt).

The process will also take some time for him to learn, also, and is hasn't been easy for me. I don't know if it's the pitch, the volume or what, but something about his crying really works me over, almost to the point of wincing when I hear it. Last night I was slightly better about it than the night before, so hopefully I will get used to it and/or our son will learn better to relax and soothe himself. I'm also afraid our neighbors in the apartment next door will call the police thinking we're hurting our child (the wall of the nursey is adjacent to their living room, and vice versa). From what I can tell, our neighbors also use this cry-out method, since at 8:10pm every night their youngest daughter, who is perhaps almost two, cries herself to sleep. I don't consider it payback, per se, but our son's crying should be abated by some determination and effort on our part, while their daughter may continue crying at night indefinitely.

We know that a well-rested baby is a happy baby, so we will keep on truckin' with getting the boy to sleep through the night. I read too many books pre-birth to let our son get over on us and think he's boss (he is). The colic thing sort of throw's a monkey wrench into our routine or methods, but keeping his stimulation in check and well-fed and rested should help us stay on track. Last night, for instance, he slept for 3.5 hours straight (after a bit of struggle), then got a feeding, then slept another couple of hours. All this was while on his back, in his crib. There's surely room for improvment, but it's a first step!

From 7 to 11

Our little man Jack went to his pediatrician yesterday and weighed in a 11 pounds, one ounce, which we came to find out is actually normal for a baby at five weeks. We didn't know until yesterday that his head size was on the small size at the last appointment but has since gained size to become average also. His length, however, at over 23 inches, is above average for his age, which I consider to be pretty cool, for some reason. When is it good to start a kid in sports? (Kidding -- anytime is a good time, LOL)

He still has colic, though it is apparently on the "mild" side, since he doesn't cry for hours on end. There are a couple points during each day, mostly in the evenings, where he does have trouble passing gas and stool. When it (gas) does eventually come out, it's sort of comical but mostly just smelly. The pediatrician made a joke that smelly gas is hereditary, and since I wasn't at the appointment I'm sure he was referring to me, har har. Jack's crying isn't funny, true, but the outcome of all his red faces and squirming can be a little funny, especially when his farts last a few seconds at a time.

But enough about poopy and boom booms... We're trying to get the boy to sleep better during the night, creating some sort of battle plan with strategies and protocols, etc. We've instituted a bath ritual every two days but I don't think Jack realizes it's part of our attack to get him to begin the sleep process. We read to him and feed him afterwards, though for now he's more interested in the bottle than what's on the page. We don't expect him to sleep all night long yet, but we'd like him to get used to being in a bed, on his back, and maybe even self-soothe himself more. He's not a big fan of his lovely crib yet, so we still put him in the bassinet. Personally, I think because it's still cold he doesn't like all the open-ness of a crib, but rather the closeness of his cradle. Hopefully when it's warmer he will dig the crib. My wife thinks there's "too much going on" in his crib with the bumpers, mobile, and stuffed animal friends on the edge for him to ignore and fall asleep. I'm not in total agreement, but until he sleeps well in the crib, I don't have many other explanations.

It's definitely been interesting having a fussy baby. I mean, the more exposure and knowledge I get about his condition(s), the more I'm comfortable around him, even when he's screaming. Sometimes in the car he has serious bouts of crying and yelling at the top of his little lungs, but he cannot be consoled. I've only been witness to that behavior once (unfortunately not close to home), while the wife has been hit by it a few times now. The doctor told us there's nothing we can do but let him cry it out, that it might be the position he's in that puts uncomfortable pressure on his tummy. But it's completely nerve-wracking and heartbreaking, and I/we feel pretty helpless.

We can only be happy in the fact that this will be something he should outgrow soon, as his internal mechanisms mature and he learns how to deal with it himself, too. And as he grows so will we, finding new ways to soothe and comfort him. And before we know it we're getting a whopping four straight hours of sleep a night, ha ha!

Gas is on the Rise

Things with the new boy are progressing fairly normally. In three and a half weeks he has gained over 2 pounds and weighed in yesterday at over 10 pounds. He doesn't look fattened, but his cheeks are very squishy and his mom say his fingers have gotten fatter. He still has the skinny baby legs and arms, so I guess most of the weight must be in his head.

He already can move his head around and hold it up pretty well. He still smacks his face into my shoulder when I hold him, which of course causes his to cry. This morning mommy noticed how baby Jack has started trying to roll over, and he can at least get onto his side a bit. She had him in his bassinet so she could shower and noticed it was lopsided when she got out (it rocks and wasn't locked in a prone position). Jack rolled a little to one side, since he can, and made it tilt.

He sleeps pretty well during the day and seems to always be hungry. When he wakes he doesn't really cry to announce his hunger; it's more of a yell. A lot of times I think his hunger determines his mood: If he's not satisfied he will scream through diaper changes, baths, or other attention. When his belly is full he's a real treat to be around, especially when he's still awake and wide-eyed. Problem for me is, he takes SO long to eat and it seems to take so much for him to get satiated. I feel like he's overfeeding and we're on our way to having a very large (obese) boy. On top of that, I have a paranoia that giving him formula is like making him drink soda, though I know it's silly (kind of).

In the evenings, however, especially after like 9PM, Jack starts to get fussy to the point that feeding and changing him doesn't calm him down like it does earlier in the day. Apparently the gas inside him builds up and he finally needs to pass it, which gives him fits. When we told the pediatrician about his behavior (loose stool, crying/screaming) he gave his diagnosis: the dreaded COLIC. My wife knew this was my biggest fear (is there a small fear?), a colic-y child, especially after I told her how I read so much about its challenges. At least for now it's not too bad, only occurring in the evening, but it's right before bed time. During the day he feeds and falls asleep pretty easily, and stays asleep. At night he feeds then yells for a while before either needing to be changed and fed again, or eventually falls asleep after midnight. He sleeps for a couple hours before needing more attention, then repeats this a few hours later.

Last night we gave him an anti-diarrhea medicine which seemed to do the trick (I guess we will see before/after the next time). We tried Mylicon but it didn't seem to take all that well, though we know people who swear by it. I wish there was something more natural to help him, but at this point it's about him and us getting some comfortable sleep. Again, it could be (or might get) worse, and his colic could strike during the daytime too. We know this will subside eventually but also know it won't be easy going until then.

It's been very frustrating for me since I read all about this and learned how to help him cope, but when it came time to act my education seemed to fail, at least so far. Swaddling is nice, but he's gotten strong enough to squirm an arm out during his gassy fussing. The "shushing" in his ear has not worked at all. Holding him on his stomach only makes him madder. We have not tried white noise, but since he does get to sleep eventually, I only think it would just be noise for noise's sake.

Apparently I need to be patient, and attend to his needs as best as possible. Getting frustrated doesn't help anyone (mommy especially). It's not Jack's fault he ended up this way, so I'm definitely not mad at him. I admit I was really concerned/worried/dreading about having a colic baby, but now I have one and will still have to love him the way he is, maybe more even...

P.S. Please excuse the blurry quality of the photo. It was taken with my Smartphone on 2/22/09.

He Arrives

On Sunday, February 1st, at 10:09AM Mommy and Daddy in Waiting welcomed Jackson Race into the big, wide world. We knew he was coming around that time due to elective Cesarean Section. The fear from my wife was Jackson might be too big, any induction could be harmful to the baby and end in c-section anyway, or there may be shoulder dystotia in the boy and he could suffer a broken shoulder or worse. So my wife elected to deliver that way, and it ended up being a decent decision, as Jack had a loose knot in his umbilical cord. He must have jumped through it early on in the pregnancy but thankfully it never tightened. The nurses commented, however, that it easily could have gotten tighter during a vaginal delivery.

Anyway, he's here and, yes, life has surely changed. It's been five days but I'm still in disbelief, like I'm watching a movie of someone else's life. He's so tiny, making seem almost unreal, but hearing him breathe and seeing him stretch, etc., makes it hit home every time that this is the big dance now. I pictured this time of my life for months but now that it's finally here, I'm still in awe.

He's a bit fussy, which makes me feel he is definitely MY child, but each day that has passed has make me enjoy him more and get to know his tendencies better. Like almost any baby, he's surely no fan of getting his diaper changed, but the venom in his cries and screams during the changes really threw me off in the early going. I'm feeling pretty comfortable changing him, especially after NEVER changing a baby ever before, but Jack makes it sound like he's in real agony. This really freaked me out but the nurses and doctor haven't found any reason to believe his behavior is any concern. "He's a screamer" has been the answer. So now I make sure to have the changing table prepared to cut down the time he's "wide open."

The things we didn't want to do, like using a pacifier and supplementing his breast-milk diet with formula, has been invaluable so far. Once the wife gets her body used to his needs and can really get the milk flowing, we didn't see any other way around the formula needs. Our doctor approved so we did what we felt was the right thing, at least for now. The pacifier first became necessary during the boy's circumcision, which was sort of a late decision. I can't easily tell you how I came to the decision of getting the procedure done but I stomached it. The nurse gave Jackson a pacifier with sugar water to calm him, and it had a good effect. I told my wife that if I had seen the procedure prior to making the decision, I probably would have gone the other way. I wasn't disgusted but it just really seemed unnecessary. Oh well, he can replace it when he gets older if he wants...

But along with "screamer" our boy's also gotten tagged with the label of "sucker," hence our continued use of the pacifier. We knew he couldn't use my wife's nipples to pacify whenever he wanted so we gave it a try with some success. He hasn't lost his early ability to latch, so we're pleased, and we try our best to limit the pacifier use.

In later posts, now that the "in-waiting" tag of my blog sub-head is no longer necessary, I'd like to explore my feelings about this new chapter of our lives. I've found myself being much more affectionate towards the boy than I thought I would, and surprisingly comfortable with him in my arms. I can't get over how easily my wife has taken to motherhood, though I've known she would be since we got married. She's already able to multi-task effortlessly. Sometimes I feel I'm not doing enough when stacked up against her efforts in breastfeeding the boy. So I try and help out by making sure she has water to drink, changing Jack's diapers every chance I get, keeping the changing table ready to go, cooking meals, and other household chores. Last night I went to the store for some dinner items and ended up getting 10 times as many items on my list, just so we'd have things to eat that we'd both enjoy (Ben & Jerry's FroYo, e.g.). I still won't feel I'm doing enough compared to what she's gone through over the past nine months, and especially over the last few days but I hope I'm building a good foundation to build upon a strong fatherhood and marriage.

Mad at Dad? Look in the Mirror

There's a rather long essay on Parenting.com where the author talks about her anger at her husband's lack of parenting skills. It's a long, but fascinating read, with statistics about the different angers women seem to have at their children's fathers. Read the story here:

http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/Relationships/Mad-at-Dad

I admit, my first thought was "It's your fault woman," and I know that will be a VERY unpopular stance. This woman seemed surprised at her husband's (and others') behavior, as if they hadn't been living together or married for any time prior to having the child. We get to pick who we have children with, at least you would think so, so it is logical to me that at some point one would ask themselves, "Will this person make a good parent."

The jury is still out on my parenting skills, obviously, since the baby still hasn't been born. I get a lot of "You're going to be a great father" encouragement, but who knows. I feel I have a certain grasp on what may be needed from the both of us, so I will be able to help as much as possible and do my part. According to this story, the way I read it, many women (including the author), might not have known what they were getting into. A selfish person may make for a selfish parent. Some people have very old-fashioned ideas on parenting roles, like the man makes the money while the women stay home to care for the kids, and dinner's done when he gets home. It's incredibly obvious to me that communicating about each parent's expectations PRIOR to the baby being born might be beneficial.

Not until the very last paragraph of the story does the author mention what might help women get over the anger: "The ones we also really need to talk to, however, are our husbands." This was only after suggesting mothers should talk to other moms, to see they are not alone with their anger issues. I'm sorry, but this sounds totally backwards to me. If you just bottle this anger up and not communicate your feelings, nothing good will come of it. I can appreciate the anger, but I can't be too understanding if I don't know you're harboring it.

I've tried to prove to my wife that I'm totally into being a decent parent, really giving it a go. I've had other delusions of grandeur, but I know the stakes are really high this time. I've read my books, paid attention and asked questions at classes, watched DVDs and recorded baby TV shows (Deliver Me is our new favorite), I've tried my best at helping around the house with chores or getting what the wife needs when she is unable (putting on her shoes is funny). If there's anything I'm missing I hope that she knows she only needs to ask, or remind me. Part of what the author writes about, where her husband can't remember certain details about their kids, I can understand. But I don't always know what my wife does or doesn't know, and vice versa, so I'm pretty confident we will communicate about those gaps.

I figured this was still an issue, given how many talk shows on TV still deal with dead-beat dads and the continuing onslaughtof TV "comedies" that have an overweight, oafish dad who is clueless about child rearing (yet somehow married to some hot woman). Whatever happened to the Ward Cleaver's of the world? Mike Brady hired help for Carol but they still have tiffs that resulted (tidily) in communication and resolution. Where are those characters today? If that's where people get role models (heaven help us), then a decent portrayal of good fathering would be nice. For every Cliff Huxtable or Race Bannon, we're stuck with a Ray Ramano or Peter Griffin instead.

Nobody wins when there's anger in a relationship, especially the kids. One thing I remember a lot of growing up was the hollering my parents did at each others. That was mainly due to their individual stubbornness but probably also due to lack of communication. Did I learn that's how to get a point across? Maybe, and I've taken certain steps to quell that impulse. I"m trying to communicate my feelings now, before there's a dust-up. When we're both sleep-deprived these next several months, that type of behavior will be very important. It seems so obvious to me, but maybe I got lucky in picking who I'm having a child with.

Pacing

Still in the waiting phase for baby. Now the doctor thinks he may be on time, give or take a day. Or something, who knows...

Wife went to the doctor yesterday and upon exam was able to touch the boy's head (?), meaning her cervix may be dilated about 1 centimeter, I don't know. I feel like I'm quoting my wife but if she was dilated, wouldn't that mean labor would be upon us soon? Anyway, that's what I thought I heard, but in my defense my wife was on the Bluetooth and there's an incredible noise in my office due to reconstruction on the other side of my office wall (literally).

Wife told me last night maybe I should start driving into work starting ASAP, but we agreed on Monday (I take the train). So I bought some parking passes and I'm ready to bolt at a moment's notice. However, my cell phone doesn't get a signal where I work and I'm not always in my office. I've told my unit's clerk to perhaps expect a call from my wife if she has trouble getting in touch with me. I am Bluetooth equipped and have my phone on a nerdy belt clip so I can keep the phone on my person at all times (which I still forget to do sometimes). Now I'm expecting at least one false alarm, and I'm pretty surprised there hasn't been one yet.

I finally got MY hospital bag packed with essentials like jammies and reading materials (no, no more baby books, gag). Also last week I put a few things in my Diaper Dude, the father diaper bag I got from my brother- and sister-in-law. I have the requisite diapers, wipes, blanket and burp cloth. I'll need a change of clothes, too, and I'm sure there are other things I can put in there. The bag isn't as snazzy as the wife's "designer" bag, but does the job and allows me to avoid having to carry hers around.

We will be having music in the labor room, but we're still deciding whether to do video during the birthing. Not the full-on close-up of the crowning and all, but maybe just taking video from a more respectful angle. Our friends have gone over the virtues of filming it, but I still can't figure out if it's for us or not. I liked their idea of filming when we leave the hospital and take him into the house for the first time, so we'll see.

Everyday I get asked if I think my wife's belly is dropping. Seriously I can't tell either way. Her belly is quite large anyway, so there seems to be a natural gravitational pull downward already. Also, can someone assure me that the snoring will go away after baby is born? Please?

Are You Ready

If the baby were to come today, we'd be ready in the figurative sense (after the shock and awe subsided). On Monday we got the car seats installed by the CHP, who were very helpful and gave a bunch of information. Unfortunately they did not have Erik Estrada's glowing white teeth, but still... We took both cars in and the process went smoothly, even though we had a new style of base they had not yet seen. The CHP figured it out and I feel relatively safe about their installation jobs.

Now we can say we're done with the preparations. The wife's hospital bag is packed, we have diapers and wipes, we did about a dozen loads of laundry to clean all the boy's new and/or hand-me-down clothes, and now can bring him home safely. A newsletter I subscribe to actually helped remind the wife that she needed to bring an outfit to come home in, since I guess the hospital gown wouldn't look smashing in the photos. Admittedly, I still have to pack a bag since our hospital has private rooms and I can stay overnight. In my head I keep saying "I'll do it tonight" so hopefully this is the night the mantra sticks. The other thing I want to do is organize a few of the plugged in items in the nursery, either with a power strip or on outlet expander, then use our new outlet protectors to cover the unused ones.

Speaking of home safety, we attended a lame "class" on the subject the other night. The "teacher" just read off of her PowerPoint slides as we read along to ourselves, adding very little anecdotal or additional tidbits of information. From our readings and other classes it became dull very quickly since we were already pretty versed on the topic. When the teacher gave us a break with 45 minutes to go we grabbed our coats and made like a tree and blew outta there. We know we will have to pick up a lot of stuff around the house in preparation for when the boy starts being mobile, like candle holders, photo frames, our hanging wine glasses on the wine rack, etc. Setting up those chic bumpers for edges doesn't seem fun or attractive but I guess it has to be done (does it?). He's a boy, wouldn't he love just wearing a helmet around the house?

Also, to prepare for time constraints and lack of patience, the wife has begun to make food and put it in the freezer, with more on the way (she started her leave on Monday). Yesterday was split pea soup and lasagna with spinach, mushrooms and ground turkey. We sampled it and I look forward to sleepily re-heating the home-cooked goodies. She also has become quite proficient with a slow cooker, which will allow us to toss a whole bunch of ingredients into the pot and come home to a ready-to-eat meal, with leftovers. Makes me long for more freezer space!

Before I forget or miss the chance to do it more timely, I/we want to give a VERY heartfelt thanks to all the friends and family who have given us incredible support the past several months. We've received entirely too many gifts from you, many we never saw coming, and we cannot thank you enough. The support and advice I've gotten since embarking on this journey has made me more excited and anxious (in a good way) than I would have ever thought possible. I can't say I'm "ready" for the onslaught of (eventually rewarding) work that will hit us the moment our son is born, but I am quite confident that our friends and family will be there to help carry us through it all with love, care and guidance (cookies help, too).

P.S. Feel free to contact me with any "birthing gift" ideas either via the comments section or here. I have some thoughts but would like to know if it's cheesey or not... Thanks!