Fifteen Months

(Photo from March, when J got his ear tubes inserted. We think it has made a noticeable difference!)

Because I enjoy jinxing myself, it's been a nice recent several days that our now-15-month-old son has been sleeping through the night. Nice because for the several days prior to that he had not. We noticed the other day that he had new molars on the bottom row of gums, which may have been a cause for his waking up. Also, he developed bronchitis (again) and got conjunctivitis (pink eye) while we were in Portland the other weekend for our god son's third birthday. Who knows how long that was percolating before rearing it's goopy head.

While J-boy has many typical tendencies for a kid his age, it's been really fun watching these developments in person, with my own child. He asks for things, sometimes using the couple baby signs we taught him, and can do simple tasks like putting his dirty clothes in his laundry basket or tossing out trash/recycling. This isn't to say he "listens" but he obliges when he is interested. Any request involving the words "Don't" or "No" are ignored, of course. He loves books; one of my favorite things he does is hand me or my wife a book he wants read and then sits on the floor in front of you to listen.

I'll try to be more current in posting his developments, not only to give out the updates, but also to keep up this journal in the hopes someone is actually reading it. I enjoy the writing practice and I enjoy writing about the boy. While these past 15 months have shown me levels of frustration and impatience in myself I had hoped never to see, it's nice to realize that we might actually be decent parents (so far) and have our son heading in the right direction, developmentally. And I do have to tip my hat to his day care, too, and of course, our family and friends (or the wife will chastise me for not doing so instead of taking the lion's share of credit).

On Year Down X To Go

Sorry I've waited almost a month to write this post -- no excuse. On the first of February, our son turned the big One. We celebrated with a nice family lunch at our house then a large play party at Gymboree with what was at least 50 people and kids. Our son was a bit under the weather -- a combo of ear infection, cold, bronchitis, or pneumonia, take your pick -- but survived the festivities. He certainly enjoyed the blue icing from his special birthday cupcake, so much so that he stayed up well past his normal bed time to tell us all about it.

It's been an interesting year (now 13 months), to say the least. I'm sure that's not news to anyone with a child, of course. But for me it had so many highs and lows, some of which I was expecting and others (the lows) shook me worse than I ever would have imagined. I knew raising a new child would be "work" and "change your life" since I heard it practically every day prior to the birth, but it's quite obvious AND an understatement at the same time.

I quickly found my son's crying/screaming to be incredibly saddening and grating to my nerves. I desperately want something to be done to calm him as quickly as possible but I lack the patience do be of adequate service. I make it worse for my wife, who was obviously born with patience to spare, because now she has a baby and a husband freaking out. It's taken a while but now when the boy is upset I feel I have a better understanding of his needs. The racket he makes is still hard to bear but now we he is getting better at communicating his needs and I/we are better able to provide for them. My biggest hope/wish is that I will gain more patience as time goes on and be a good role model for my son when he is able to speak, instead of getting too easily frustrated and making my wife deal with him.

For over a month now our son has been trying to walk and getting more able every day. These days he would rather try and walk than crawl, which is fun to watch. He still is in the "Frankenstein" mode of stiffly walking, but he can crouch, pick up something, and get back up without touching the floor with his hands. Watching him turn corners is funny, and though the thought of him fully mobile presents a new slew of concerns, it's this time of his life that I've been waiting for.

Seeing him develop has been the most rewarding part of this year. I was really worried his numerous illnesses, ear infections, etc., would hinder him in some way. But his sight, hearing and all the other main areas are developing well. He does, however, need to get tubes inserted into his ears in a couple weeks to alleviate the constant fluid in his ears, the cause of his about 10 ear infection of the past year. We are confident this common procedure will go well, and the tubes will make him an even happier and healthier boy.

World News

Two news stories today are frightening and have me thinking a little today about gender and religion.

The first story, which is just gaining traction in the press, is about a Pakistani couple who sacrificed their three-month old baby girl in the hopes they would "get rich". Obviously this is sick behavior, in a variety of ways. Apparently the couple were advised to do this heinous act from a "witch doctor." How backwards is a society when people are still seeking out the advice of a witch doctor? Worse yet, when did becoming "rich" supersede the joy of being parents? Trust me, I know how hard it is being a parent now, and there are a few (very few, actually) times when I wonder if we'd have been better off not having had a child, but there's never been any idea in my head that we could just sacrifice him (or give him away, send him back, etc.) just for the money. In a segue to the next story below, I wonder if the parents and this "doctor" would have felt differently if the baby was a boy instead of a girl. And where do witches go to school to get a doctorate?

Rituals have been part of many of the world's societies through the eons, but I like to believe Earth's people have moved forward. Blind faith is another old tool of the mindless. When the witch doctor told the parents they would get rich by this sacrifice, did he tell them how this would happen? Would it be money in a rainstorm like frogs falling from the sky, or an insider stock tip? Personally, I would really need to see this person's credentials before putting all my eggs in the sacrifice basket. I'd have to ask him how many others got rich from this scheme, or the consequences of giving us the wrong advice (like if a sacrifice made them itch, not rich).

The second story was shown to me by my wife and it involves the drastic difference between the amount of men in China compared to women, and how in a decade's time these men will be without the possibility of a spouse because of it. China has a strict one-child-per-family limit to help keep down the population and an old notion that men are more important to the health of the society than women. According to the article, with the availability of ultrasound technology, parents can find out the sex of the child, and, given the importance of boys in the society, decide to abort a girl fetus to try again for a boy.

While I understand and agree with controlling the population (I sometimes wish there was a similar policy in the US), killing off females for the sake of the state is the ultimate in hysteria. I can almost "get" the maniacal behavior in the first story, given the religious nature of a ritual, but in 2010 it's hard to see how people still believe having a boy will grant them better wishes compared to a girl. Maybe it's China's lack of free outside information in the very rural areas that has not given them the memo that women are/can be successful. If the country isn't going to allow women the same access to gaining that success, then this ugly practice will surely go on unabated.

On a relevant side note, I was fairly pleased with China's response after its large 2008 earthquake that killed at least 68,000 people. It decided to lift the one-child-per-family ban to those parents who lost their children in the earthquake. No clue on how many of the families took advantage of this permission, but I hope there were a bunch of girls born because of it.

Moody Blues

I've found since having our son that my mood goes as his mood goes; if he is happy, I am happy, and if he is unhappy, I am similarly unhappy. Yes, it's a roller coaster for the emotions, and it often sours my day or night if my son's mood sours. I guess when he is upset I feel like I'm letting him down, by either depriving him of sleep or food, for example. I would like him to not want for anything, and my wife and I anticipate his needs before he melts down. Obviously this is an impossibility, but it's something that bothers me.

I worry if we don't let him nap long enough or if he misses a nap, or has to go to bed later than usual. He's been doing really well lately with sleeping through the night and I guess I don't want to do anything to disrupt that. So while I didn't think I'd become the parent who lets his kid's schedule rule my life, I have become that indeed. Want us to meet you at noon? No, thank you, but we can meet earlier/later. Inviting us over for dinner? Sure, if we can get the early bird special and get home by 6:30PM.

Apparently my bad mood coinciding with his doesn't help matters. My ranting while he screams supposedly causes ire. Although I complain (loudly) because I am concerned we are doing our son wrong, I've heard there's a better way of handling these situations. It's surely better to react positively or, at worst, be in control of one's emotions. Yes, I understand this. My hope is that I figure out how to do just that sooner rather than later. Also, I'm quite looking forward to the day when my son has enough vocabulary to let us know in words what is bothering him. Until then, I'll be writing resolutions and counting to 10 in my head next time Mount J erupts.

NEW! Follow me on Facebook! The Fruit of His Labor

Elf on the Shelf

Last year we were turned on to this great Christmas tradition called "Elf on the Shelf." It's a story book and an Elf figure that you place in a different location around the house each day before Christmas (presumably not all year long, just like after Thanksgiving, I guess). The story of the Elf is that he (or she, since you can buy a skirt for your elf) comes from the North Pole, directed by Santa Claus to watch all the little boys and girls while Santa is hard at work making toys. Each night the Elf returns north to report to Santa how the kids are behaving, then returns to your home in a different spot for the next day.

The purpose of this, besides a sweet new Christmas tradition for the family, is to try and keep kids behaving during a stressful time of year. The children are also instructed not to touch the Elf or his "magic" will wear off and he won't be able to tell Santa how good the child has been, possibly negating Santa's visit on the 25th. To make the Elf more personable, the Elf should be named and you can even register the elf's name on the Elf on the Shelf web site.

The web site, by the way, is great, especially if you have Flash software on your computer (Who doesn't nowadays? You? Oh, then download here), and looks like those old-time Christmas shows created with stop animation, like the one about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Frosty the Snowman. There's a lot to enjoy on the site for kids and parents alike.

Our son can't yet comprehend the reason for the Elf in our house but he picked up on the Elf itself rather quickly. For about a week now we've been moving him around the house and asking him "Where's the Elf?" Our son immediately starts looking around the room for the Elf, glancing in the spots he remembers seeing the Elf previously. It's amazing how fast he picked up on it and that he looks in those previous spots for his new friend. We tell him not to touch the elf, and I make sure to set the Elf out of grabbing height. Our son does, however, "wave" to the Elf, though since he's still learning to wave properly, I can't tell if he's really waving or reaching out to grab the thing.

We sent it to our friends Carrie and Steve for their son last year, and he immediately named the Elf "Elfie" and loved searching the house for it before school. This year we sent Elf on the Shelf to our god son Dominik. His mom thinks the Elf will help her keep little D on the "nice" list more than just the threat of Santa not coming because he's been "naughty." I'm sure we will be sending this gift to other families as time goes on, too. This sort of tradition is something that feels a less fabricated, I guess because I never knew about it before last year, and thus didn't think it was overhyped or mass-marketed. Obviously the day will come when the Elf will become passé as our children get older, but I like that this is something that can be kept within the family and passed on to the next generation.

Note: I am NOT getting paid to advertise/endorse this product. But, hey, if the makers want to toss me a couple bucks my address is...

Thankful

This may come a week or so late, but in this time of giving, and giving thanks, I wanted to list some things I am thankful for this holiday season.

1. Being surrounded by family and friends who genuinely love our now 10-month-old son. As great as it has been to watch our son develop every day, it's been equally amazing at how much our family and friends have taken to him. Through holidays, family events, and now "play dates," so many of you have allowed our son into your lives, and for that I am thankful.
2. Having a wife who allows me to be me, even when parts of me act out in a manner unbecoming of my best self. I get easily frustrated when things don't go "accordingly" with our son, like him not sleeping through the night or seeming to be sick every other day of his short life. Somehow my wife has stuck by me, understanding my venting process (for better or worse -- mostly worse), and helping me realize not everything will go perfectly. I've learned a lot about myself during this process of being a father, and I admit I don't like all of it. I'm trying to use what I learn as motivation to change certain behaviors, and I think my wife realizes this process is sometimes a slow one...
3. Living in a country where I can speak my mind, at least virtually. Much to the chagrin of many of my "friends" I often use Facebook as a soapbox to air many grievances, mostly regarding religion and/or our government/politicians. I doubt I can change anyone's mind but at least I try to point out the other side of issues, or show that you can't always believe what you see at first glance. I don't like seeming like a snob, but I do feel people act in knee-jerk reactions, so pointing out what may not be obvious to someone at least makes me feel like I'm giving them the whole picture on an issue.
4. Traditions. I have been called a Scrooge in the past during this time of year, believe it or not. I do, however, enjoy Christmas, just maybe not the way it is "celebrated" nowadays. I am a purist when it comes to Christmas decorations, songs, and any meaning to be gleaned from it all. I love classical imagery, original versions of classic Christmastime music, and the stories that framed how the holiday came about (there's no mention of "Christmas" in the Bible, of course). I don't enjoy the crass over-marketing of the holiday by retail shops, the hijacking of right-wing religious fundamentalists who argue that atheists or the ACLU are trying to "take Christ out of Christmas," or ridiculous versions of holiday music (yes, I'm talking about your reggae Christmas CD).
5. Giving back. As many of you know, for the month of November I (and men all over the world) grew a moustache to help raise awareness and funds for prostate and testicular cancer. It was an organization called "Movember" and it was a pretty fun time. I had never really gotten involved in something like this, and I was really pleased to have stuck with it the entire month. It's nice to have my face back, but with the donations of so many friends and family members, it made it all worth it. I was able to raise over $1,000 for the cause, which was well more than I had ever imagined.

I'm sure there are more items to be added, but I don't want to get too sappy or too self-righteous, anymore than I already have. I look forward to celebrating the upcoming holidays with our son, creating new memories and holiday traditions of our own. It will be unlike anything else in my life, seeing the holidays through the eyes of my own child.

Finally

I am going to try and not over-hype this, but for the first time in our son's seven months (as of the 1st) of life, he FINALLY slept through the night! Recently he has only woken up once a night, around 1AM, taken a feeding, then slept until either he woke up at his usual time or we actually had to go in and wake him. But last night he went down around 7:15PM and nary a peep was heard until 6AM-ish, when my wife went in to soothe him and he went back to sleep for at least another 45 minutes. Again, I don't want to jinx it, but it is a pretty exciting development.

Speaking of developments, the boy has gone through a few of note. He cut his two bottom front teeth at the same time. He is eating his first solids (mush), and seems to like veggies more than fruit, so far. To my dismay, for reasons I won't recount now, my wife gives him little pieces of graham cracker or other crackers and kid "puffs" for him to munch on. He is drinking water from a cup, though not yet holding the cup or his bottle. His hair is finally coming in, for the most part, and so far it is blonde. His eyes are still somewhat blue, but sometimes look green, and we can't tell if they will stay that way or not. He can sit up really well now, and stays up, for the most part, without a lot of supervision. And while our son can get up on his hands and knees he still is not crawling. We're not too dismayed about that; maybe he'll be one of those kids who goes right to walking and skips crawl altogether. I'm not sure which is worse...

We seem to like his daycare, though we still scratch our heads about what actually goes on there. The new daycare he's in is a big step up from the original one, but I guess they all have their quirks. At least the energy level is much higher at the new one. And the staff/owners are pretty receptive to our needs, which isn't bad.

So we're having a grand time with the boy these days. We have a schedule and routine down for him. He looks at the correct person when we say "where's mommy" or "where's daddy" (the first time he looked at me after getting that question was a huge highlight for me). He loves to play with us and really enjoys laughing at the silly stuff we do to/with him. I guess this is what people mean by the "reward" of having a child. It's nice to finally reap! At least until the next monkey wrench gets thrown our way...